Therapy was last night. I won’t lie…it was a shit show. I unloaded all my feelings from the week of things gone wrong. I really thought the BF was going to end it right there (at least I would have been in therapy so a head start on recovery).
I’m a verbal processer whereas he needs to have time to process & respond. I need to rein in my talking & listen more. I know that & believe me I am trying to change! Well I had a lot of talking–I want to get as much feedback and advice from the therapist as I can in our little time together–and he was doing a lot of processing. Several issues came up that were discussed. By the time we left I felt ill cause I was seriously scared he was going to end it. He suggested time alone but I countered with just watching tv in silence so he agreed. Which we did. After a bit he actually started talking–not therapy stuff but problems I was having with my car. Usually we do discuss a little after therapy but since it had been rather intense no way was I going there. I did end up spending the night & this morning when I left things seemed more “normal”. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow night & this weekend brings!
I know therapy will be ups & downs. I acknowledge I’m going to hear and learn things about myself I may not like. But that’s why I’m there! I’m not looking to do a complete overhaul of me, but I see how if I make some of these changes other aspects of my life will improve. It would help at my job. I also realized my dad is probably similar to the BF as far as processing so it will help me there. And since my mom & I still haven’t spoke I really want to make sure Dad & I get along. I did send a peace offering…I mailed a package to her Monday with something I think she’ll like & am waiting for her to get it.