Like a roller coaster

That’s how I feel. Like an emotional roller coaster of ups & downs today (or let’s be honest EVERY day).

I had a 5 minute pity party this morning at work and then I got super busy. My 2 immediate coworkers who have been awesome and following this all along think I need to contact the BF & say it’s over rather than letting him think about it & decide cause it would be my choice and help me cope. Part of me gets that. I really do. But a teeny tiny part of me doesn’t want to quite give up on the slight chance we can try dating again. How stupid is that?? How dumb am I? Realistically I know it’s not going to happen but having that .00001% of a chance sometimes is what keeps me going.

I spoke to my dad today at lunch. Ended up crying. He asked about the BF situation and was probably quite surprised when I said there’s been issues the last few weeks and I don’t know what is happening. Then he asked when I was going to call my mom. It’s been over 7 weeks since we spoke. I pointed out the ball was in her court since I sent a peace offering she didn’t even acknowledge. So we discussed that a little. I will call her Sunday for Mother’s Day but I didn’t tell him that. I mailed her card today. And finally he asked about the new car & when it was arriving. Poor Dad…he just hit the trifecta of asking about all things going wrong in my life.

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