Went to dinner with POS last night. It was good. Talked about random topics & just enjoyed the nice weather. I let him drive the new car home after (plus my beers were catching up). He invited me to watch some tv so I stayed. We both ended up falling asleep on the couch but he then went to bed at some point. I went in to say good bye and we ended up hugging cuddling. Which then turned to kissing for awhile. But the clothes started coming off and I was like whoa whoa whoa…I can NOT sleep with him! Not that I didn’t want to but I didn’t see any real long term benefit. So I said uhhh do we need to talk? And he agreed and stopped so we laid there & talked. I didn’t want to have sex, him freak out & go backwards if we had been making progress forward. He admitted to being horny (glad I turn him on still though!) & it probably wasn’t a good idea cause he was still figuring things out. I said sex has never been a problem between us & he laughingly agreed it’s always been good.
We talked about our fears, what happened the last month, things we had misunderstood or miscommunicated, what we were trying to do. Its a little sad how scared he is of his feelings for me & how much he is fearful of. At a certain point he’s going to have to turn off the head, listen to his heart & take a leap of faith which is very scary for me too! I said us living close but in our own houses is good. We can just hang together some & date. Almost like we need to take a step back to feel comfortable to move forward? Again I’m not sure what’s happening, I’m really trying not to overthink it & just letting things happen as they will. I’m happy to do that cause I am building my own life which I need whether we are together or not.
I have to work all weekend at my side job which is probably good. It will keep me busy & make my car payment. Everyday I try to unpack a little bit more so my room is coming together. I am feeling more settled. My friend said I’m looking less stressed so I guess that’s good!