It’s all a jumble

So we saw each other at kickball Fri night. Kind of odd to be so distant when the night before we were both naked making out. I just don’t get it?

He’s not scared of long term or looking 40 years down the road. But the here & now freaks him out? Do I need to just give him more time to come to terms? I really don’t understand. How long? I suppose I need to wait for him to make the next move. My birthday is this week & some of the girls have convinced me to have a dinner at a restaurant. I was going to invite the POS in a group of people but now I’m reconsidering that? Would it be weird to still invite his daughter and not him?

I went out last night for a friend’s birthday and on the way home drove by POS house. I know…I don’t like this side of me but seeing his truck at his house at 11pm helped me sleep. At least he wasn’t out partying or worse had some girl over. I think the reason I’m so insecure about there being another or other girls is I was cheated on. A former jackass would run out & date other girls every time he got pissed at me about anything. Why I never left him…he mentally tore me down to believe I was worth nothing so I stayed. I should be stronger now and overcome it but it’s just hard to let that ghost go. Maybe that’s why I am still sticking around hoping POS will figure it out cause I’m used to being treated like crap before?

I asked him if he wanted to grill and watch the game tonight but he said I have plans. So I’m done. No more inviting him to do stuff. He can ask me if he ever gets his figured out. And I really need to stick to that!

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