Day 2

So it’s day 2 of the Xanax. From what I read it takes about a week to feel effects. I haven’t taken the other meds. Those are for when I’m feeling really bad or an anxiety attack. The dr said to have them just if I want them but not to always take them. I’m also not drinking at all while on these meds but I’ll just tell people I’m trying new allergy meds (which I’ve had problems with). 

Friday I found a therapist in my insurance plan and made an appointment. Unfortunately it’s not til August 9th but I’m going to check if any sooner times open up. I know I need to talk to somebody especially if I’m taking meds. I don’t want to just pop pills. I want to work this out and be able to deal with things. 

Saturday I went to traffic school in the morning and then POS went with me to work on my house. That took a few hours but we got done what I needed. I got a little emotional when we left. I don’t feel like I failed because I don’t want to live there but I don’t know. It’s weird?

When we got back to POS’s house I helped him with his yard work. I mowed the grass while he did the other stuff. It was kind of therapeutic and I like doing that kind of stuff. I just don’t want to mow acres and acres of grass. Afterward we went inside, took quick showers and fell asleep. I had checked his phone. He re-entered that Tinder lady name but I didn’t check if he had unblocked her. Kind of funny side note…he texted her twice earlier in the week and she never responded. It also looks like he took the Tinder app off his phone. Hmmm…. His phone was going off while we slept and I figured it was everyone making night plans. When were awake I asked if he wanted me to leave and he said no. He didn’t feel like doing much. We were just kind of watching tv when his work called with an emergency (they have that a lot) so he went in. He came back about 2 hours later annoyed. I went to say hi and he was showering. Told me he was going to meet some guys at the bar. I said ok I’ll get going. I asked if we were ok and he said yes we are fine. I said do you need to go blow off steam? He said yeah. So I said I’m sorry your work is frustrating but have fun and be careful. Gave him a hug & we kissed and off we went our separate ways. 

I hope he sees I really didn’t care he was going out and I was being sincere. I don’t know if this was him seeing what I would do cause he’s worried about being controlled and not being able to do what he wants. I’ve never told him not to do anything so he’s assuming I’m like his ex which he has acknowledged I’m not. 

Today was a good church service this morning and then this afternoon I’m heading to my big brother’s. They have a water slide bounce house from the kids party yesterday that the adults are taking over today! Woo hoo!!! It will be a fun time and with good people. 

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