A good weekend

My weekend went well. 

Saturday I did some major retail therapy after leaving POS’s house. Got new work pants and some other clothes. It was a good day. POS made some tentative plans for us when he left for work that morning so I went home to nap. I woke up and left him a vm. Then a text an hour later. By 9pm I realized he was blowing me off. Of course I felt a flood of feelings…anger, stupid, deceived. I didn’t understand wtf I did or what was going on.

Sunday about 4:30am I get a text response that he just woke up. I got up later and on my way to church stopped by his house (I forgot something there). Woke him up but since he’d been sleeping all night I didn’t feel so bad. It turns out he really did crash (he does that so its not a lie) after work and didn’t wake up. I explained it just makes me feel crappy and that if he was too tired to go out just tell me earlier. He said he hadn’t planned on it and was still waiting to back to work cause more stuff had broke.

We ended up trying to go to church but on the way he got called into work so we turned around. I went home and hung my new clothes & laundry. He called me on his way home so we finally started our day. Decided to get sandwiches and go to the beach. DD1 wasn’t working & met us out there. We had a very nice couple hours. Too much sun but very relaxing & a good time catching up. Went back to his house and were bums for a few hours before going to grab some dinner. Ate dinner and talked before heading to watch tv which I crashed hard for the night.

I stated not feeling so great yesterday. Idk what or why. Maybe too much sun and not enough water? My head hurt a little. My stomach felt blah. Idk. POS left for work this morning and put some lotion on my back before he left. I got up later and was still feeling sick. All day I’ve felt blah and stayed in bed.

I feel like POS and I had a nice weekend in some ways. I see in other ways still a lot of growing to do and things I need to work on. Like I need to realize even though we didn’t do much it was still a good weekend. I don’t need to pack every minute with activities or running around. Sometimes just being and letting things happen naturally is ok. I need to not stress myself out assuming the worst and walking on egg shells. Take a breathe. Enjoy the moments.

This weekend also marks my 3 year anniversary of moving and starting my new job down here. So it’s a lot. In some ways I can’t believe 3 years has gone by cause I feel like I’ve been here a lot longer but yet it also feels like yesterday I was living up north. I sometimes start to wonder if it was the right choice but I won’t let myself go down that path. There’s nothing I can undo so why think about the what ifs. Yes it’s been a challenge down here at times but I think I have discovered a lot about myself I wouldn’t have otherwise. 

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