A surprise guest

So today I had a surprise guest show up…my dad. Which is great & all but I’m a little curious. He’s never come by himself in the 2.5 years I’ve lived here. Now it’s no biggie cause he will stay at the condo & my mom will be coming down Sunday to join for a few days before they head back north. But they live 1300 miles away. I’m sure he’s concerned about me cause I know Mom has told him everything going on. I saw him at lunch today & we made plans for after work tomorrow.

This gives me a little anxiety though cause I have not mentioned anything about HIM contacting me or spending time together. I love my parents & normally don’t ever keep anything from them, but I feel for now it’s best to see how the next few weeks go before I say anything. Is that wrong? I guess deep down I’m afraid they will be mad or unsupportive I am doing this. Not that they didn’t like him, but I’m their kid & they see what I’ve gone thru. Nobody wants to see their child hurt & I think they are worried especially since they don’t live close by.

Tonight he’s coming down to my place. We’re going to make dinner, watch tv & just chill. It will be interesting to see how things continue between us. Sometimes you say things in the moment and then a few days later it changes. I guess that is my fear right now…that he could just take off again any moment. Obviously I’ve developed some trust issues that I need to work thru. Unfortunately it sucks cause I never used to feel that way or worry. I’m hoping with time (and therapy) that too will resolve itself.

Happy hump day!!!

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Well…

We went to Epcot on Sunday. Its a 1.5 hour drive but the conversation stayed easy. Flower & Garden is going on so we did a few rides and enjoyed the flower displays.

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We did hit a lull though as we had about 30 minutes before the next attraction so we sat on a bench outside Norway to wait. And that’s where it happened. I could feel my anxiety building from just not knowing what to expect from him contacting me or what it meant or what the day was going to be like so I asked. We started talking. I had a million questions yet I had none. We kept talking and hugging and talking and then he kissed me. It felt surreal yet it felt right. We spent a few more hours at Epcot talking and eating just enjoying the day. After the drive back I stayed at his house to watch TV & then we went to dinner. I didn’t spend the night as it had been a long roller coaster of emotions & I felt like I needed my home. But we were together from 7am til after 9:30pm without a hitch. It was kind of crazy how easy it felt?

We did discuss a few things. I stated I had been seeing a therapist but was going to find another & would he join me? I was pleasantly surprised when he said yes. We both agree it will help with our communication and issues. But the biggest issue obviously is his adult children (and they come each with plenty of their own baggage) & how to work with them. I stated that moving forward I wanted it different this time. I wanted weekly dinner at dad’s house for the 4 of us. I don’t care what we do but we all know it’s a set time for us to be together. He actually seemed very happy about that and stated he doesn’t really see his girls that much so it would be good. I also think the therapist will be helpful for us here to guide us on how to proceed with that. I have no idea what to do? Nobody I know had ever dated someone with adult children. He asked if we could take things slow. We agreed to not having to spend every day/night together. Having our free time to do our own thing. I said are we committed and he said no seeing anybody else. I said I also want to talk on the phone not texting cause that causes problems which he agreed.

I am cautiously optimistic. This is everything I had hoped for in a best case scenario. What’s almost scary is the things we “wanted” were pretty much the same. I really do believe in us and that we can make this work. As I told him in the grand scheme of the next 40 years this is merely a blip which if you talk to any couple (like both our parents who have been together longer than that) they have all had blips. We just have to work thru it. Now I just have to relax and let time do it’s thing. Which given my recent bouts with anxiety is harder but I’m learning to deal with it.

We have a date night tomorrow. He said he would come to my house for dinner so fingers crossed!

It happened

He texted me Friday night.

A little preface…we play in a recreational sports league on the same team. Last night was the first time due to work I was able to attend. I won’t lie…I had anxiety and stress over it during the week. I want to play. But I had no idea what he would be like. We were both polite. Played. Nothing more nothing less. I did have a good time with the team and it was fun. I went home afterwards & later got the text.

“It was good seeing you tonight.”

Since I am over texting (and the miscommunication it causes) I agreed it was & to call if he wanted to talk. Which he did. We chatted about just everyday topics & it was pretty nice. I said I missed him to which he said he missed me also. We agreed to do something on Sunday. To keep it light & fun we are taking a drive over to the House of the Mouse. We both love it there so hopefully it will be a good time.

I have no idea what to expect. My expectation level is a 0 cause I want to be realistic. But another part of me says he might be hopeful also cause this will be a whole day we’re spending together. And it’s not like it involves alcohol or getting some ass at the end of the night.

Another highlight this week is when I went to my ear dr…my ears have been plugged for a month…he gave me some drugs to help the morning nauseous & help me sleep. And I have to say its working! Being able to sleep a little  more & feeling “normal” in the mornings is so nice.

Enjoy your weekend folks!

Trying…and failing

I feel for every step I take in the forward direction I then go either backwards or sideways several steps. I refuse to complain to my friends anymore (like they want to hear it) & I only allow myself to be a little sad when I speak with my mom (no reason for her to feel bad living far away). The scary part and what I think is probably most unhealthy is that I could really see myself getting back together with him. Wtf is wrong with me? He hasn’t called. Its been over 3 weeks. Its not happening. But when I wake up every morning at 4am feeling sick its little thoughts like that help the anxiety pass. Give me little bouts of sleep til my alarm. And we all know those couples who DID break up only to get back together & it works. Am I crazy?

Yesterday I met coffee guy for some tennis after work. With all my recent weight loss I look good in the outfits but my stamina…please. 30 minutes of hitting did me in. Plus allergies down here are awful right now so that’s not helping. He wanted to eat so not being a pooper I agreed. He’s quite chatty so dinner was ok but really drawn out. At this point I suddenly realize how much I miss my ex & this was what we used to do…the anxiety starts to kick in plus being a long day. We call it quits but not before he’s trying to make more plans. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship or commitment, it’s just not where I am right now & if he wants to do things like tennis or such great but I understand if he’d rather not. I think he may have been a little taken back but he called later to apologize for being so forward. I assured him he wasn’t and that I just wanted to be upfront. I think we may end up being just friends but who knows. I have found guys to be fickle…if its not working how they envision they get pissed & peace out.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the ear dr. My ears have been plugged for a month. I know some of it is the pollen but from past times I know stress does it too. How funny when I get extremely stressed I lose my hearing? Also I’m hoping the dr can help me with not feeling well sleeping in the mornings again.

Even though its super early I’m already in bed. 2 late nights didn’t trick my body into sleeping and now I’m just exhausted mentally & physically. Sweet dreams all….

It’s just coffee

So earlier this week for who knows why I re-opened my online dating profile. I’m definitely not looking for a relationship or commitment! Nothing serious for sure. Maybe just to see who’s out there? People to do things with?

Of course you get the guys who just want to email. Fine I’ll do that a little. But 1 guy actually made a coffee date. I met him late this morning & we ended up chatting for a few hours. Yes it felt awkward initially, but also nice to be out & talking about random things. We have a few activities in common & will try meeting up next week to play tennis.

I’m also meeting with a potential roommate tomorrow. Not sure what to expect but hopeful as I think we may be a good match. Fingers crossed!!

When does “normal” return?

When does feeling normal return?

It’s been almost 3 weeks since he took off. There’s been no explanation. There’s been no contact. So how long will I feel this way? I can’t even really explain it but it doesn’t feel normal. I’m a total foodie, but am approaching almost 20 pounds gone. All I eat is chicken noodle soup. Anything else isn’t working. Perhaps I need a good cry? That hasn’t happened…I don’t know if it’s cause I really don’t cry or I was just so shocked?

People tell me it takes time. Some have said 6 months. Yeah I can’t feel this way for that long! Some days I feel better…others not so much. I’m tired of waking up between 4-6 every morning to dry heave and feel sick. I go to bed early to make up for it yet I feel so drained.

Looking forward to the day I no longer feel this way & whatever my new “normal” feels like.

They always come back

I had a friend tell me this last week. The 1 thing she has learned about men if nothing else is that they always come back. At first I dismissed it but I will be honest it’s something I have thought a little about. And why?? Because so far it’s been true! The guys I dated down here that peaced out (I’m noticing the trend believe me & will be talking to the therapist about it) HAVE come back after I thought more about it. They were guys that ranged anywhere from a few dates to a few months. But they all disappeared. Some I could have cared less and others I was hurt. My friend was right though…anywhere from 2-5 months later after hearing nothing I suddenly would get a random text or call. Some wanted to explain their actions (yeah too late), some wanted to date (ummm no), some I just plain didn’t understand why they contacted me.

So that got me curious. This latest disappearing guy…we dated for 9 months. I’m thinking based on previous experience and nothing scientific that IF he’s going to contact me it will be August.

So what say you? Has this been your experience? And why do they come back? Guilt? Loneliness? Enlighten me please 🙂

Just a girl who's flirting with 40…while trying to find love & happiness by the beach