It happened

He texted me Friday night.

A little preface…we play in a recreational sports league on the same team. Last night was the first time due to work I was able to attend. I won’t lie…I had anxiety and stress over it during the week. I want to play. But I had no idea what he would be like. We were both polite. Played. Nothing more nothing less. I did have a good time with the team and it was fun. I went home afterwards & later got the text.

“It was good seeing you tonight.”

Since I am over texting (and the miscommunication it causes) I agreed it was & to call if he wanted to talk. Which he did. We chatted about just everyday topics & it was pretty nice. I said I missed him to which he said he missed me also. We agreed to do something on Sunday. To keep it light & fun we are taking a drive over to the House of the Mouse. We both love it there so hopefully it will be a good time.

I have no idea what to expect. My expectation level is a 0 cause I want to be realistic. But another part of me says he might be hopeful also cause this will be a whole day we’re spending together. And it’s not like it involves alcohol or getting some ass at the end of the night.

Another highlight this week is when I went to my ear dr…my ears have been plugged for a month…he gave me some drugs to help the morning nauseous & help me sleep. And I have to say its working! Being able to sleep a little  more & feeling “normal” in the mornings is so nice.

Enjoy your weekend folks!

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Trying…and failing

I feel for every step I take in the forward direction I then go either backwards or sideways several steps. I refuse to complain to my friends anymore (like they want to hear it) & I only allow myself to be a little sad when I speak with my mom (no reason for her to feel bad living far away). The scary part and what I think is probably most unhealthy is that I could really see myself getting back together with him. Wtf is wrong with me? He hasn’t called. Its been over 3 weeks. Its not happening. But when I wake up every morning at 4am feeling sick its little thoughts like that help the anxiety pass. Give me little bouts of sleep til my alarm. And we all know those couples who DID break up only to get back together & it works. Am I crazy?

Yesterday I met coffee guy for some tennis after work. With all my recent weight loss I look good in the outfits but my stamina…please. 30 minutes of hitting did me in. Plus allergies down here are awful right now so that’s not helping. He wanted to eat so not being a pooper I agreed. He’s quite chatty so dinner was ok but really drawn out. At this point I suddenly realize how much I miss my ex & this was what we used to do…the anxiety starts to kick in plus being a long day. We call it quits but not before he’s trying to make more plans. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship or commitment, it’s just not where I am right now & if he wants to do things like tennis or such great but I understand if he’d rather not. I think he may have been a little taken back but he called later to apologize for being so forward. I assured him he wasn’t and that I just wanted to be upfront. I think we may end up being just friends but who knows. I have found guys to be fickle…if its not working how they envision they get pissed & peace out.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the ear dr. My ears have been plugged for a month. I know some of it is the pollen but from past times I know stress does it too. How funny when I get extremely stressed I lose my hearing? Also I’m hoping the dr can help me with not feeling well sleeping in the mornings again.

Even though its super early I’m already in bed. 2 late nights didn’t trick my body into sleeping and now I’m just exhausted mentally & physically. Sweet dreams all….

It’s just coffee

So earlier this week for who knows why I re-opened my online dating profile. I’m definitely not looking for a relationship or commitment! Nothing serious for sure. Maybe just to see who’s out there? People to do things with?

Of course you get the guys who just want to email. Fine I’ll do that a little. But 1 guy actually made a coffee date. I met him late this morning & we ended up chatting for a few hours. Yes it felt awkward initially, but also nice to be out & talking about random things. We have a few activities in common & will try meeting up next week to play tennis.

I’m also meeting with a potential roommate tomorrow. Not sure what to expect but hopeful as I think we may be a good match. Fingers crossed!!

When does “normal” return?

When does feeling normal return?

It’s been almost 3 weeks since he took off. There’s been no explanation. There’s been no contact. So how long will I feel this way? I can’t even really explain it but it doesn’t feel normal. I’m a total foodie, but am approaching almost 20 pounds gone. All I eat is chicken noodle soup. Anything else isn’t working. Perhaps I need a good cry? That hasn’t happened…I don’t know if it’s cause I really don’t cry or I was just so shocked?

People tell me it takes time. Some have said 6 months. Yeah I can’t feel this way for that long! Some days I feel better…others not so much. I’m tired of waking up between 4-6 every morning to dry heave and feel sick. I go to bed early to make up for it yet I feel so drained.

Looking forward to the day I no longer feel this way & whatever my new “normal” feels like.

They always come back

I had a friend tell me this last week. The 1 thing she has learned about men if nothing else is that they always come back. At first I dismissed it but I will be honest it’s something I have thought a little about. And why?? Because so far it’s been true! The guys I dated down here that peaced out (I’m noticing the trend believe me & will be talking to the therapist about it) HAVE come back after I thought more about it. They were guys that ranged anywhere from a few dates to a few months. But they all disappeared. Some I could have cared less and others I was hurt. My friend was right though…anywhere from 2-5 months later after hearing nothing I suddenly would get a random text or call. Some wanted to explain their actions (yeah too late), some wanted to date (ummm no), some I just plain didn’t understand why they contacted me.

So that got me curious. This latest disappearing guy…we dated for 9 months. I’m thinking based on previous experience and nothing scientific that IF he’s going to contact me it will be August.

So what say you? Has this been your experience? And why do they come back? Guilt? Loneliness? Enlighten me please 🙂

You know what’s missing??

“Your smile”

I am really starting to hate people saying that to me. I got dumped. My heart is broke. Life sucks right now. Do you really think I am going to be gleefully running around smiling?? My therapist said its good to write so that’s what I’m doing here. I know things WILL get better but for now its an up & down battle daily. I never did hear from him which is probably about the worst thing a person could ever do in my opinion. I feel like all I do is work and then sleep. I’m trying to stay busy with little things, but evenings are the worst.

So now is when my house decides to also be a PITA. The water again stops working, but now it appears to be a pipe came off the pump (not those asshat ants again). Wtf. Of course this is found after work so no water until the next day. Apparently something overheated and melted the pvc piping thus the pipe disconnecting. Luckily my pump was ok and I escaped with a minimal bill.

I have decided to look for a roommate. I had a few up north so it’s nothing new & truth be told I had always planned to find one. I have a feeling this may be an interesting search as I’m over crazy people and not settling.

so who else got dumped on Valentine’s Day??

Yes Valentine’s Day was a bit ago, but pardon me…it was a bit rough this year. The guy I had been seeing for almost 9 months waited for me to leave for work, packed up the items he kept at my house & when I got home that was my surprise to figure out. When I called him bewildered asking what was going on, he didn’t have much to say before (how convenient) his phone stopped dialing/rec’ing calls. The next morning I got a text that my stuff is sitting in a box outside his house. WTF

I was blind sided. I was left no explanation. I had to make calls to cancel a cruise. Refund airline miles. Change plans we had made. This was not how I had planned on spending my holiday weekend! I made an appointment with the therapist, I went to work, I kept functioning, but I’m a mess. I miss him, I don’t. I love him, I’m mad. I’m conflicted cause WHO was that person at the end?? Not somebody I had ever seen.

The bonus of all this (if there is to be one) is I lost almost 15 lbs & am back to my high school weight! Bring on that 20 year reunion now!

Just a girl who's flirting with 40…while trying to find love & happiness by the beach