Tag Archives: anxiety

Fitting it all in

Life has been busy. This time of year always seems to be. Lots going on which is great, but I’m trying not to over do it either. 

I worked my side job last weekend. Which it had been raining on off for like 2 weeks. That’s getting old! Will got back from his work trip & we had a great dinner Sunday night (date #2). It was a really nice way to wrap up the weekend.

Monday I played cornhole, but Tuesday it got rained out. Impromptu dinner with friends which I invited Will also. I figured he’s seen me dressed up nice twice so this was casual jeans stuffing down wings. 🤣 He wasn’t fazed at all which was nice to see. I am enjoying hanging out & slowly getting to know him. He went out of town again for a few days & now his mom is here visiting until next week. I told him if he needs a break he knows how to find me. 😉

I had therapy last week. I do enjoy meeting with her. I know I’ve made a lot of improvements since last summer, but sometimes all I see is that hot mess still. She keeps it in perspective & we talk out things. Between the gym & a bday party I had a FULL week! Definitely going low key this weekend. 

Last night had a concert with the girls which was a blast!! Then we headed next door to the casino for a bit. I don’t play but it’s fun to hang & watch. Today I’ve been running errands which FL summer had kicked in. It’s hot! I really wish I could get some beach time. Perhaps tomorrow? I sent my dad his Father’s Day stuff this week so I’ll give him a call.

I leave next Monday for Canada for 2 weeks so I’ve been getting things organized for that. I’m trying not to leave it til the last minute to get ready, but you know in some way it always ends up that way. Even work I’ve been trying to get ready so it’s not a complete mess this week or when I return.

Tonight is a life celebration for a friend’s family member. But it’s at a bar & then the beach for sunset. Not sure what to expect. Maybe the bar is a good idea?

It’s been a year… 

Since I defurnished my house, started trying to rent it, went on Craigslist for new housing & moved. Wow. It’s gone fast. And it feels like a lot has happened. I’ve moved another time since. I’ve learned a lot about who I am. I’ve put weight back on. I’ve been on & off the meds. I’ve made a new social circle(s) of friends. I’ve joined a gym (and actually like it!). I’m in therapy. I’m learning how to handle life & what I can control. I’ve learned to cut out people who aren’t beneficial to have around. I’ve done some traveling. I have actually been saving money. I’m recognizing when to have “me” time and why it’s important. I’m attempting to date again. I’m trying new things. I’m putting myself out there even if I might fail.

I guess that is a lot I’ve done the last year! Still a work in progress. Still growing. Which is good cause one should never stop.

Here’s to more good times & having faith in the rough times that it won’t last forever! 🥂

Weigh in: holding

Well I’ve been holding at 170 since right after the weigh in last week. Argh…how can I break that barrier into the 160s & stay there?? Feeling frustrated.

I was better about my food amounts & choices last week. I realized after a few days of eating out (mandatory work lunches) to reel it back in which I did.

I did get a compliment on Saturday from a group of girls that they “wished our abs looked anywhere like yours”. Very nice to hear but I’m still not happy cause I know they’ve been better. It will inspire me to try harder at the gym too since we are in full swim season now (hello 90s)!

This week still trying to log my steps (man I have been BAAAD about reaching those goals!), food control & at the gym putting some weight on the bar. Yup, that’s my May gym goal to actually put weights on the bar when we use it (I only lift the bar by itself). My trainer of course is delighted I’m showing some initiative. 😂

Also I need to write here more. So much fun good stuff has been happening that I haven’t been sharing!

Weigh in: lost the battle this week

172 lbs 😞 I didn’t get a picture this morning cause running behind but I saw the scale numbers. Blah!!

I know this weekend was rough & having to weigh in first thing Monday morning sucks. I ate probably close to what I ate all last week in 2.5 days. AND I JUST DIDN’T CARE. Yup that’s how life has been for me lately & I know that’s not a good attitude to have so I’m trying to turn it around. Plus my sleep pattern is still wacky so I need to work on that.

This week’s goals are get back on the right track food wise & work on my sleep pattern. That will be a good start.

I lost the battle but the war is not yet over!!

Walk the walk

I think I’m a pretty “real” person in that whatever I say is what I’d say to your face. It makes it real easy cause I don’t have to worry about word getting back to people and so forth. So the last week for me has been rough. Because of Joe joining our kickball league (run by my brother) has stirred up my anxiety. Not because I’m not over him but cause I’m ticked my friends expect loyalty from me but don’t give it in return. Wtf. They complain about Joe. They shit talk him. Yet here he is at our stuff.

Tonight on my way home after dinner with friends I stopped by Joe’s house. Yup. Pulled in and knocked on the door. I was sort of on auto pilot trying not to panic at this point. Asked him if we could chat when he opened the door & he let me in. Apparently he was sick (that’s what you get for making out with skanks but I didn’t share that cause it wasn’t productive) so I stood back. But I said my part. Pretty much that I steered clear of him and why couldn’t he be respectful and steer clear of me and my friends. He said he wouldn’t play cornhole again or kickball after this season which I was like whatever. Now I’ll be the bitch for making you leave? I said can you be respectful cause how would you feel if I brought guys around each week & shoved it in your face?? He said he hadn’t thought about it cause he felt enough time passed but he wasn’t sure how he would react. I said try considering mine. Quit creeping me.

So who knows what will happen. He’ll probably claim to not recall any of the conversation if I call him out later. But whatever. It made me feel better and at least I know I was being true to myself saying it all to his face rather than behind his back.  And controlling my actions is all I can do. 

Weigh in: progress!!

Woo hoo it went down!!! 🎉

I got more steps this week in. Not as much as I hoped for but it was an increase. Really made an effort to watch how much I ate (portion control) even if it was better stuff. I got 3 trips in to the gym (gotta make up visits from vacay earlier this month) & a bridge walk with the girls.

On Sunday my ankle felt a little funny. Not sure if doing more or cause I slept on it funny so I laid low to rest for this week. But a day off isn’t bad. Just had to make sure I didn’t boredom eat!

It’s kind of good knowing I weigh in first thing Monday not to spend my Sunday binging on food. It is making me more accountable and pay attention.

This week I’m just going to keep on doing what I’ve been doing & see where it goes!! Stay motivated!

Weigh in: let’s get serious now

So it’s been 2 weeks since I weighed in & during that time was a vacation in Costa Rica. Only gained 2 pounds so not too awful although it’s time to get my shit together. Summer is here & none of my (new last year skinny) shorts fit!!

Obviously not being able to weigh myself daily didn’t help. I know they tell you NOT to do that but for me it’s helps me know where I am. Because of my height I can bounce up & down in weight quite a bit before it becomes noticeable and by then it’s usually going downhill really fast! I like to stay on top of it by seeing actual scale numbers & not using my imagination (are the jeans tighter?? Naaah).

It’s been 4.5 weeks since the ankle sprain & it’s feeling better. I even hit my walking goal 2 days last week & went on a 6 mile bike ride over the weekend so it’s holding up. Time to start getting back at it in the gym today!! After the gym I’m going grocery shopping tonight to restock from after vacay. Already told the roommate he had to clean the fridge out so I had space. I could barely fit my gallon of milk jug in over the weekend cause he has so much crap & what not. And seriously it’s crap! His gf comes to visit & is bored so she cooks all weekend filling the fridge with food that never gets eaten by him (or me). I know it’s wasteful but I shouldn’t feel bad & eat it just cause. It’s not MY food or money.

So my goals this week are to increase my daily steps, drink more water (I have been so bad the last month about that), return to more normal gym workouts & get back eating more according to the gym challenge suggestions. YEE HAW!!!