May is going by sooooo fast & that makes me a little sad cause it’s MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!! I want it to linger as long as possible especially since the BIG 4-0 is here. At least I am back in town now for a bit. But so many fun plans I can’t wait for!
Just got back from a weekend bachelorette party on the other side of the state. Honestly I haven’t been to that side in almost 20 years & it’s not where I could live. The beaches aren’t even comparable. The houses are pretty to admire though. The area is very over priced so going out is expensive, but it was a fun time. There was 10 of us girls sharing a house & I think we did pretty well. Only a little drama from some of the bridesmaids. lol We did do a bike bar thing one afternoon where everyone pedals & we stopped at a few bars. That was so much fun! I definitely recommend that for any type of group outing.
The rain this week has been non-stop. And the love bugs. I have never seen anything like that even though I have lived here for 4.5 years. WTF???!!!! When the swarms come I am not going outside! HELL NO. Then my car adventures…2 weeks ago I had to replace all 4 tires. It was time & I knew it was coming so I wasn’t shocked when the dealership told me (I was there for an oil change). Still a chunk of change though to part with. Then I notice last week when washing it there is a big spot on my rim missing from either taking the tires on or off. Now I am not your typical flakey girl when it comes to my cars…I am very on top of it & take care of it so I notice this stuff. Back to the dealership I go where they notice none of the rims look right (there was black coming thru the silver). A day later I get a text that 4 BRAND SPANKING NEW rims are being ordered & will be put on the car all at NO CHARGE cause it was factory covered. HELL YEAH!!!
Yesterday was my 2 year anniversary of moving out my house & to the “new” city. I have lived in 3 different places, but I really have found my niche I believe. I love the area I am in! It’s perfect for me location & activity wise & friends. I have to say I am happy in that aspect. Things have been an adjustment at the house. Living with kids has been a whole new adventure for me. They are a hoot though & I enjoy having them around. My room is still not unpacked which I am sure is my biggest problem. But who wants to clean & organize their bedroom when so much other fun stuff is happening? I suppose all the rain this weekend will help me do that. And I know once it’s done I’ll feel better too.
The dating scene….it is interesting. I know I am at a good point in my life where everything has come together & I even told my therapist last month I really feel ready to have a relationship. And I have faith that it will happen this year cause things are just going so well. But patience is just not my thing! Things with J are going ok. Before I went to Jamaica 2 weeks ago I wanted to have some sort of informal chat about where things were with us & unfortunately it happened over the phone which I would have preferred in person. What came of that is he does have fun when he’s with me, but he’s not out searching for relationship although he isn’t opposed to one happening. He’s not into labels. He hasn’t had a real serious anything since his divorce 3 years ago & while I respect that he got hurt badly, I am not going to deal with somebody who hasn’t dealt with their issues. Not doing that again!!! I have gone to therapy, faced my problems & am putting in the work to become a better me. I refuse to go backwards. I feel like he’s just very indifferent. If I am there–great. If I am not–ok. If he sees me–fun. If he doesn’t–oh well. And I want more. I AM WORTH MORE. I want a man who’s excited & wants to see me. When a week goes by he’s trying to make plans to see me. That’s just not happening here. J & I usually text or talk daily or every other day which is nice, but I don’t want a relationship with my phone. Not in the early stages of whatever this might be. I want to give things time & I am trying to be patient, but I also don’t want to be stupid wasting my time. It’s a very hard line I am realizing & I don’t do grey well. At some point I will need to decide. As of now he’s not able to attend any of my birthday plans or functions I have been invited to or am attending for the next few weeks. Which I am fine with some of it cause he has his kid, but I also feel at moments like this I want people around me who will be here in the future moving forward. If you’re not in it, then don’t come for the fun stuff. I don’t want you in those memories.
So with all that being said I re-opened my online dating profile last weekend and I have gotten some serious hits already. I have a lunch date Saturday. And possibly some others may happen too. I talked with my therapist about it yesterday. J has shown me his feelings & I need to listen. I am not totally writing him off as part of me wants to believe he could be the right guy so I will give him more time, but I am not putting out the effort anymore. We both have traveling in the next few weeks so I figure another month to see what happens. Either it will fizzle out or he will step up. In the mean time I am going to continue doing my thing & if I meet somebody else then so be it.
I had a really nice weekend of nothing. Just relaxing, refreshing, renewing myself.
Doggy sitting was great! Saturday morning snuggles in bed & then I went to the beach for the afternoon. Got some great sun & sand time. Took about a 2 mile walk along the shore which was nice.
Saturday night I went out with my friend Tiffany since we’ve both been super busy & haven’t seen each other. Tried this adorable little German restaurant (thanks Groupon!) that was really good & authentic. I can’t wait to go again!
Sunday was another lazy morning with the puppies before I drove by my house since it’s been awhile to check things out. It looks ok–not sure about the new lawn company that took over so I’ll need to do a few more visits to check their work. Noticed the palm trees looked long so I called my tree guy to get them trimmed. The neighborhood as a whole seems to be on the upswing from when I started looking in there 3.5 years ago for houses. People have made exterior improvements, houses have been cleaned up, the foreclosures seem less. Yay!! I then did some shopping (need dresses for the upcoming wedding trip & then a bachelorette weekend) which was successful! Headed back to the house to let the puppies play outside before the storm hit. Which once it did we climbed in bed & watched TV/slept. Very uneventful day which is good for me.
I didn’t hear from J all weekend after we had drinks after kickball Friday. He had plans with friends coming from out of town. At first I was ok. Then I got bugged. Then I was all right. Then I started worrying. And about what I have no idea?!?!?! God I hate this crappy fear of I don’t know what…him disappearing? Leaving? I never used to feel this way. I think about everything I said & if I was ok? Or how he reacted. I sent him a text later Sunday & he responded a bit later that he just got home. I gave him a bit to settle & then called him. We chatted a bit which was nice. And nothing was wrong. He was fine. I was just having irrational stupid over thinking freak out. I would like to thank the previous douchebag for that! Argh…I really am trying to work on this issue with myself. I don’t want to hold other’s actions against him cause he’s done nothing wrong or even remotely close to it. He’s very sweet, calls me when he says he will & really likes me so I don’t want to blow it. I am glad to have therapy this week so we can discuss it.
Maybe it didn’t start the greatest being sick but it ended well. 😊
The drugs I got Monday have been working their magic & I was already feeling much better after a few. Wednesday kickball is going ok. I’m the “captain” this season & it’s sort of a pain in the ass. One would think since we’re all adults it’s common courtesy to mention when you’re missing a game so other arrangements can be made. Nope not so much 😡 So each week is a scramble at the start of who’s gonna be here. I did end up asking J join my team so I have enough players for those off weeks. Which is nice I get to see him a little more.
Thursday after work I started pet sitting for the weekend. It’s 3 adorable pups & very easy so I enjoy it. It’s nice being back by where I used to live and a little break in my schedule. J came down for dinner so we got take out sushi & went to sit on the beach. It was right after sunset so just nice & low key. I really enjoy hanging out with him & talking.
Friday was pretty same old. Did our pre-work morning walk. I tried to wrap up work and organize as much as I could. Missing time this week got things a little off kilter. Took care of the dogs after work before heading up to kickball. My team did well & we won. I finally feel like I am back in the groove! J asked me to sub on his team and they won as well. It was a good night!
Looking forward to this weekend of relaxing and nothing. Perhaps some beach today before the storms tomorrow? Reading? We’ll see where the wind blows…
Ugh…I hate being sick. I will admit I am the worst about treating myself. I never want to acknowledge it cause who has time? I keep going cause I have too much happening to stop. My schedule this month is so booked it’s really not a good time thank you very much. Pretend you’re fine & you will be fine = positive thinking power! 💡
So with all that being said I waved the white flag Monday morning. I have had a cough & sore throat since early March. It varied how bad it was, but it never went away. Everyone kept saying how terrible the pollen was & allergies so I believed it to be that. All we needed was some good rain to wash the pollen away & WAH LAH I would be better right? Yeah except it wasn’t raining either. Friday afternoon my body finally had enough & my right eye had goobers. I assumed I simply MUST have something in my eye & it couldn’t be illness. Yes the denial is THAT strong! Saturday my girls checked my eye out & declared it not pink eye (they have kids & much experience at this), but I definitely needed a doctor. So my plan was to call my doctor Monday morning from work & go from there until later Sunday rolled around & now I have ick coming out my left eye (yup both eyes are gross) so I started looking at what time Urgent Care opens in the morning. Yes a little late but hey at least I was making progress.
My weekend was all right. Friday night kickball cancelled so I went out for a belated birthday dinner celebration for a co-worker who has become a great friend. I really don’t know what I’d do without her sometimes cause we both have similar issues with our workplace & we just get along really well. She includes me for holidays since I don’t have any family here & makes sure to check on me in general. She’s just awesome. Saturday & Sunday I worked my side job so a little extra $$$. The have asked me to work a lot more weekends, but I am being selective. I don’t want to work so much I can’t do anything else. The extra money is nice for sure, but all work work work isn’t any fun so I am trying to balance. Sunday after working I went over to Jay’s & we just hung out being bums. He’s been sick too (probably from me–my bad). It was nice to just spend time together without doing much & see how it goes. He had already decided he wasn’t going in to work Monday (but he can work from home some too) when my eyes got bad & I decided I need to skip work & go to Urgent Care Monday ASAP. What a pair we are. lol
So Monday morning I am the 2nd in line & seen right away. Yay! Turns out I don’t have little kid pink eye, but it’s a strain of the flu or something that has been going around the last few weeks. It’s sort of like a sinus infection since it’s in your throat & nose & ears & coughing. I guess coming out your eyes is the real final steps. 🤧 Fabulous. So now I have drugs for 10 days & I am already feeling a ton better! Which is good cause I am puppy sitting this weekend for my 3 little cuties again & then next weekend is the Disney Star Wars 10K I signed up for waaaay last May. It’s a bucket list item for me & I am really excited! I am dressing up at BB-8 & my friend is going as R2-D2. Yeah the dressing up part is a highlight for me!
Whew…things have been happening here. Unfortunately it seems when life is going well I don’t write as much which is a bummer cause so many good things have been happening. Whereas when life is a shit show I get that all down on paper. lol
March went by FAST! Hanging out with friends, having fun, organizing the new kickball team for Wednesday, getting trips for later this year planned, getting ready for my upcoming Jamaica trip. I even managed to do a little dating! Since the start of the year I have had various guys wanting to have fun but never knew what was going on or where it was going. So I have sat back & had a good time, but refused to get more involved if they aren’t pursuing. As I tell people when asked “I have a lot of pretty BOYS hanging around, but I am looking for a MAN who is going to step up” (which my guy friend said was pretty accurate & a good response). Well…Jay has stepped up. lol He is the guy from Wednesday night kickball that invited me out for drinks. And then we had drinks again after kickball. So when kickball was cancelled 2 weeks ago he asked me out to dinner I was impressed. Progress right? I had a good time & we’ve hung out more at the games too. This past Friday we had an off night for kickball in the other league so he asked me to dinner again! Had a really nice time getting to know him & talking. Plus he’s pretty darn good looking & I love his eyes so chatting with him is easy. Afterwards we went out to a bar where his friends were for some karaoke & hanging out. It was a fun night! I won’t lie–we got back to his place & things got going which I was fine with. I was like now or never girl cause let’s be real…it’s been a year & a half. Yup…the hooha had a party as my BFF & brother put it the next day (apparently we all share waaay too much with each other lol). He took his clothes off & I was like DAMN BRAVO applause, but I kept it inside. Luckily my diet has been going well (down 18 lbs last week) so I was feeling pretty good body image wise. Let me say it was a good time & I definitely want more! We have texted & talked over the weekend which is nice. I am trying to be positive & not let my anxiety kick in thinking of all the bad stuff that could happen or be happening cause I imagine it in my head. I’ll see him Wednesday at kickball which I am looking forward to.
Now on the other hand work has been a bummer. I found out I wasn’t even offered a job interview for the job I had applied for because I don’t have a bachelors degree. WTF? Apparently 15 years in the field plus all my other years of work experience wasn’t enough. I don’t know how classes I would have taken 20 years ago would even be relevant today & it doesn’t matter what the degree is in, but I don’t have one so I wasn’t qualified. Ridiculous if you ask me. But it made me rethink my current job & situation. My job is stable (public sector), I am union protected (can’t be fired), I have good hours (no weekends), I have good benefits (I pay minimal amounts for good coverage), vacation & sick time every month, I do actually enjoy what I do plus I do make good money. Add in my house rental income plus money I make at my side job…I am doing really well! They have taken away duties I was doing that wasn’t part of my job so actually my job has been much easier & enjoyable the past 2 months. So why rock the boat? I’ll just keep riding this out & if anything of interest comes along I’ll check it out.
I am in the count down to my Jamaica trip in May for my friend’s wedding! My girl up north who’s coming with is getting excited as well & we are both on the gym routine right now hard core so encouraging each other. I have found a dress I like, but I am not sure if it’s THE one though so still looking. I do have all my swim suits in order cause we know that IS important!
So I am just giving things time. Time to see what happens. Time for things to happen. I am not pushing or rushing anything. I have lots of plans coming up which I am excited about & just waiting for them can be hard, but it’s ok. My brother John has been great about letting me talk when I need to & be stupid irrational crazy get it out of my system. Living at his house has really been so good for me.
Whew…this has been a week! People be crazy I tell you. Work brought a lot of that. One lady came in several days this week yelling discrimination, threatening to sue & causing a scene among several departments. Next was the ever so polite gentleman who left a post it on the front wall that said “BITCH” with an arrow pointing at the front counter. Really…how old are we? And if you have an issue with staff, then speak to our supervisor. Oh wait, she’s a woman too so you probably hate her as well.
I completed my 1st 10K last Saturday!! I was super excited to finish so well (1:20 was my official time). I had planned on just walking, but ended up running probably close to 2.5 miles. I still finished feeling pretty good so I am on track for the more important 10K the end of April now! I have been really good the last month about getting in my steps & being more active.
My mom came down to visit last weekend. We went over to Disney on Sunday for the Flower & Garden festival. It was a good day just strolling around finding all the topiaries & chilling out. Some good people watching too. lol We do laugh a lot I have to say! My dad’s knee replacement last month went well & his recovery is coming along. I am hoping he’ll come visit soon too.
Kickball playoffs on Wednesday started this week & people decide not to show up. WTF? You can’t use subs so we had to play shorthanded, but amazingly those of us that came gelled together really well & pulled off a win. I was surprised honestly. I think next week the 1st game is going to end our season regardless who comes to play…the other team is very solid. But we had a good time! We are trying to field our team for next season & replace players which is a little more daunting than I had anticipated. Obviously as we lose original players, I want to replace them with better players so I am being selective in who I ask. I’m really looking forward to kickball tonight! It’s gotten to be a really fun bunch of people who play & we have a good time.
So here’s a funny…one of the guys from Wednesday kickball asked me out for drinks after the games. What’s interesting is I have known him from our Friday night league for awhile, but we never spoke or talked there. I had fun…played some pool, hung out with other players, talked a little. It was very low key…in fact so much that afterwards I was like hmmm what was that?? I like him, but I need to see where he’s headed with this. I am done making the first moves! I think I just also suck at dating. It’s such a gray area thing it seems & I have become a more black & white person.
Not sure what the game plan is for this weekend yet. Tomorrow I would like to get a bridge walk in (I have been doing that the last few Tuesdays since I stopped cornhole), but my feet are hurting today. I had to visit the foot doctor yesterday & he did some work on my nails. UGH! I know in a few days it will be fine, but right now it hurts! I wouldn’t mind a little beach time, but perhaps sand isn’t a good combo for the toes right now. I have been at the beach every weekend lately so I am getting my sunshine fix for sure. Sunday I have been hearing will be crappy weather so stuck inside. Maybe a movie?
I know it’s much colder elsewhere & I’m not complaining, but this weather isn’t what I signed up for when I moved to FL. WTF 30’s??? Really??? Of course my friends up north give me a hard time (I can’t even imagine what they’re going thru!), but what they don’t realize is the damage the cold does down here. You like that orange juice? Be prepared to pay a lot more. Heck the iguanas are falling out of the trees cause they are cold & not functioning well!
So happy to have made it to Friday! I went back to work Tuesday which was fine. With time off during the holidays & coworkers on vacation it’s been a little crazy, but it stayed handled. My supervisor came back Wednesday & right away she starts sniping at me about things. Some people are just so unhappy with life. Little does she know I was approached at a holiday party about a job which I had sort of considered (there’s some other issues here as well). Well I decided it was worth at least hearing what they had to say so Thursday I had off for doctor appointments & I also did an impromptu interview/meeting with that company. We had a nice discussion (I met with the owner & CEO) and they are going to put together a package to offer me. As ticked as I am (and have been getting), I know better than to just quit my job. But I didn’t move 1300 miles away from everything I knew to be miserable & I still follow that mantra even though it’s been over 4 years. Being honest I have been stressed/unhappy for the last 6 months & I think I know deep down something is gonna have to change. Unfortunately I really like what I do for my job, I just no longer care for the people around me (their shitty attitudes are soul sucking). So from what I see I can departments where I am if an opening is available (and if I can get hired–another big process), the unhappy people leave or I leave. I know one of them is due to retire this summer so maybe I can wait it out & hope things change for the better? I do have some very sweet perks at my current job (vacation time, heath benefits, hours, security) that I would definitely have to be compensated for financially to give up. So we’ll see what they have to offer….
Tonight is the start of kickball playoffs! Except we don’t play until 9pm so we are going to freeze. lol I get to see Brian (yup, he’s been texting me everyday going on 3 weeks now) assuming he sticks around after his game. I’ll be a little curious cause I haven’t seen him in person in almost 2 weeks. Wonder how he will act? I will also see that side chick that was so informative about him (she plays on another team) so this could be fun. She came to our NYE party & made out with like 3 different guys. None were the guys she came with (I assume she used him to attend cause we weren’t inviting her) & 1 guy was in fact my friend who came cause his GF (who I am also friends with) was working that night. Yup, that guy bolted as soon as I walked around the corner & caught that going on (I said nothing & walked right by). I told my roommate after that she needed to get the fuck out cause she was going to cause a fight with all these drunk guys. I mean what kind of skanky ho are you that every 20 minutes you are changing guys & approaching all of them at the party? I saved one of the guys by grabbing his hand when she came up so she quickly apologized to me (let her assume we were together) & moved on. Ick…just ick.