It’s had been a crazy amazing hectic time up here. Weather has been great (or so I’m told cause this FL girl has been freezing at times!), people charitable (it was a big fundraiser) & overall just so nice escape.
The reason I’m here for work has been jam packed & a full schedule, but a lot of money has been raised for the charities (almost $20K!!). Very exciting to see the impact the money raised last year has done & to know even more has been raised this year is inspiring.
Staying at my friend’s farm is always so refreshing. Lots of open space & green grass. The views off the deck just make you step back & relax. It’s a great place for me to come & recharge. Things seem so much more simple. Amazing how people always complicate things. 😂
I’m ready for my early morning of travel. The airport doesn’t even seem awake yet either. Looking forward to getting back home. I feel recharged after seeing friends for a week & ready go. Unfortunately my Fitbit broke yesterday so I’ll need to order a new one. At least a new one will have a warranty again!
Waiting for my flight. It’s time for my annual trip north for my side job. I can’t wait!!! It will be so good to be around folks from back home & who I grew up with.
I know I’ve been back from Canada only a little over a month but it’s time to get away again. There has been some drama among the friends & I don’t want any of it. I know it’s because they are unhappy & therefore pushing it on others. I recognize it cause I have been there & I refuse to get sucked back in. I have been trying to expand my circles and hang out with others. I’m also a lot more comfortable just being by myself so I do that too.
I was supposed to meet a guy last night but when I let him know I was slightly delayed he asked to reschedule cause he had a big day at work coming & was going to bed. WTF??!! I don’t care that you want to reschedule. I don’t care that you’re going to bed early. What pisses me off is at WHAT point were you going to tell me you weren’t coming??? Yeah reschedule my ass. How about take a flying leap?? I sort of had a feeling he was a dbag cause he would text weird stuff & way too into what was I doing or with. And we hadn’t even met!! According to the Rules…NEXT!!!
It’s been a good weekend. Friday night was kickball which went great! My team played Joe’s team & we beat them. Plus he never made it to 1st base. That was pretty sweet! I’m hoping the less fun he has perhaps the sooner he’ll go away. But it was a very fun night overall. I played the 2nd game for another team which went well. I’m feeling pretty strong and am playing consistently. Afterwards people went out for food & drinks so it’s nice to meet new people and hang out.
Saturday I was determined to get to the beach since last weekend was a total bust sun wise. I met my friend Jess & her daughter so we had a girls day. Sun, sand, waves, making sandcastles, laughing….so much fun!! Saturday night was a friend’s birthday party. We met for dinner and then did an escape room place afterwards. I’ve done one previously with work, but nobody else had. It was fun! Little frustrating especially in the beginning cause we couldn’t get past the first puzzle but we eventually got there with some hints. I find those puzzles or clues I either “see” it right away or I never will. We were able to solve it in time barely which was a miracle! And everyone left still speaking to each other!! 😂
Today I’ve been a bum. I was hoping to get some more beach time, but they were saying rain showers all day which it did. So I slept some, watched tv, read. Yup I’ve been reading this book. And it’s working!! 😲 No shit it really is. I mean I’m not taking it as the gospel, but skimming thru & reading parts really has made me think how I do things or have in the past. So I’ve tried a few times doing what the Rules suggest. And it worked! I’m going to keep trying it & see how it goes. What do I have to lose??
A year ago I hit rock bottom & knew I needed help. I know everyone has different ideas of what that is, but for me…throwing up everyday, couldn’t stop losing weight, feeling out of control yet so tired, not giving a shit yet so over analyzing to exhaustion, being numb inside with a smile on the outside & basically just being a zombie for the last 6 months.
I knew it was beyond me helping myself. The pep talks weren’t working. The “get your shit together” & “he’s not worth it” mantras weren’t helping me. Bless my friends who stuck by me & for loving me no matter how crazy I acted. I felt defeated, beat down, helpless. I needed change and it was going to take help to achieve it.
I found a primary care dr & got myself a physical. She put me on the Xanax. I didn’t want just meds to solve the situation…I wanted to know how to handle the issues so I (hopefully) never found myself in this spot again. I found a therapist I liked & started addressing the issues. I joined a gym. I was so skinny I needed some strength (I’ll be vain & say that WAS a perk of all this was I looked smokin hot for my 20 year reunion!). Mentally strong as well as physically which my amazing trainers have offered. I needed to reevaluate my circle of friends and acquaintances. The wolf pack as I called them became smaller, but I invested more in those relationships and know who I can count on. They are still standing with me today while the others have fallen wayside. I joined a church. I’m not the most consistent attendee, but I have opened my heart & mind which has allowed me to see so many of the blessings I have. Plus it’s an amazing group of people to be around! I have repaired & improved the relationship with my parents which was huge.
None of this was easy. It took me months to accomplish those things & then find a routine that worked for me. It’s still not easy at times when I feel something starting to unravel, but I have learned how to recognize & get myself back on track. I have eliminated “crazy” from my life in any form & I avoid it at all costs. It’s just not worth having it! I really have learned what anxiety is too. I realize now this isn’t something that happened to me over night. Looking back starting in my teens I see where there were times it was affecting me but I was able to channel it better or actually even hide it in some ways without even knowing what was wrong with me. Bless my mom for she was clueless…she would just tell me to suck it up if I faltered or showed weakness. Having relocated to a new area and not having any support system so when “bad” things would happen left me totally exposed. No routine, no security, no way to cope…no wonder I fell apart.
It’s a work in progress. Right now I’m in a good place which feels great! When it starts to get rough I give myself a timeout to regroup. The last few months have definitely had some up & downs to work thru. I still deep inside sometimes see the hot mess of a year ago, but slowly that girl is starting to fade. Life is good. 😊
Ahhh…made it thru the week. 😜 Which was soooo long it seemed. Granted I started off with a few late nights but it just felt like I couldn’t catch up. Work just drug out. A lot is happening there, but it’s staying under control. The gym I just can’t back into. My energy level is blah. I know my diet it crap and I’m feeling it! Changing my food around and trying to make better choices. I can’t get away from the sugar sweet junk though.
I was happy on Thursday night to get to talk to Will. He’s still out west for work a few more days before he flies to the Midwest to spend a week with his kids. Then he’s finally coming back here!! Yeah I’m a little excited. We had good conversation (seems like we always do) talking about everything & nothing. I am looking forward to actually getting to spend some time together and see where it goes. 😊
Kickball last night was awesome! Our team won, but I also made a HUGE play when we really needed it & I’m not gonna lie…it felt great!!! It’s such a good time with friends and hanging out.
This weekend is pretty laid back. I’m hoping to get some beach time today if the weather allows it. Want to do some reading as well. Have a friend’s going away party tonight. Not sure about tomorrow yet. Maybe a movie? See how it goes.
Happy weekend all!! Do what makes you happy 😁
Life has been busy. This time of year always seems to be. Lots going on which is great, but I’m trying not to over do it either.
I worked my side job last weekend. Which it had been raining on off for like 2 weeks. That’s getting old! Will got back from his work trip & we had a great dinner Sunday night (date #2). It was a really nice way to wrap up the weekend.
Monday I played cornhole, but Tuesday it got rained out. Impromptu dinner with friends which I invited Will also. I figured he’s seen me dressed up nice twice so this was casual jeans stuffing down wings. 🤣 He wasn’t fazed at all which was nice to see. I am enjoying hanging out & slowly getting to know him. He went out of town again for a few days & now his mom is here visiting until next week. I told him if he needs a break he knows how to find me. 😉
I had therapy last week. I do enjoy meeting with her. I know I’ve made a lot of improvements since last summer, but sometimes all I see is that hot mess still. She keeps it in perspective & we talk out things. Between the gym & a bday party I had a FULL week! Definitely going low key this weekend.
Last night had a concert with the girls which was a blast!! Then we headed next door to the casino for a bit. I don’t play but it’s fun to hang & watch. Today I’ve been running errands which FL summer had kicked in. It’s hot! I really wish I could get some beach time. Perhaps tomorrow? I sent my dad his Father’s Day stuff this week so I’ll give him a call.
I leave next Monday for Canada for 2 weeks so I’ve been getting things organized for that. I’m trying not to leave it til the last minute to get ready, but you know in some way it always ends up that way. Even work I’ve been trying to get ready so it’s not a complete mess this week or when I return.
Tonight is a life celebration for a friend’s family member. But it’s at a bar & then the beach for sunset. Not sure what to expect. Maybe the bar is a good idea?
So as of Wednesday I am officially wisdom teeth free. It hurts. More than last time. I don’t know if it’s cause I was in pain for 2 months prior (and had an infected tooth) so there was a “relief” when the teeth were out?? This time I had no prior pain, but I am hoping it will fix the ear issues on my right side like my left side has felt since. And when I say it hurts not so much the tooth spot but more like my whole jaw area opening my mouth. I read that can happen during extraction if they have your mouth too open for too long? But it’s made for a good 2 day start into the new diet I wanted to try. 😂 My mom bless her heart came down Tuesday & flew back home this morning so she could take me Wednesday for surgery & check on me yesterday. I love her. 😍 I know we’ve had some very rough times, but I feel like our relationship is in a really good place! I wish my dad would have come just so I could have seen him but he wasn’t feeling good so didn’t want to fly. Which I totally understand but I miss him too. I have been trying to talk more on the phone with him so that helps.
Which leads me to the new diet I’m trying. Why not right?? It’s called the military diet & is 3 days long. Supposedly you can lose up to 10 pounds (which I don’t believe will happen for me) although most people said they lost 7-8 lbs. I like that it gave very specific directions of what to eat & since I’m not eating much anyways I thought now would be a good time. Here is the Day 1 menu:
See what I mean that it’s pretty idiot proof to follow?? 😜 That’s what I need! The only thing I’m swapping out is instead of vanilla ice cream I’ll have plain applesauce (yeah have had a lot of that lately 😂) which it’s actually less calories (I compared). And I don’t drink coffee or tea so just more water (I have been working on that the last few weeks). I don’t know what to expect? Losing 5 lbs to restart my system & then let my body “adjust” to that would be great! But realistically I have no idea. I’m not exercising as much or even moving which is the key to this restart. It looks like they lower your calories to minimal (1000-1200 day) & if you’re still keeping the same output obviously weight will come off. Oh wow genius moment there I know! 🤓 These dental drugs are amazing! Hahaha!!!
The next 2 days of the diet look similar (I’ll keep posting). Obviously this isn’t something you live on & then the “off” days I’ll need to stay observant of what I eat, how much, etc… like I have been doing. It’s something to try & only 3 days so I can stick it out! I went shopping this morning (that was fun cause I took all my drugs before I left) so I have all the food I need.
Now to just get my sleep pattern back on track. 😴 This is day 3 of not working which feels so weird. Having had the long weekend & only working Tuesday & not going back til Monday feels like a vacation for me now. Except not going anywhere or NEEDING to do anything. I would like to work on getting my bathroom unpacked (yeah I’m slow) & reorganized so that can be my goal. 😎