March is arriving like a lion. RAAWWRRR!!!
Life is going well. I am almost scared to say that though. My new year resolutions of ignoring unhappy people & getting rid of time wasters is working out super. I have been hanging around positive people & focusing on my needs. I am actually done playing cornhole for now which is a little weird after 4 years every week, but it was time to try some new stuff. You would think it would free up 2 of my evenings, but it really doesn’t cause I am trying to get ready for upcoming 10Ks so I am putting in more time walking. I do get home earlier though which is a nice trade off.
I am playing in 2 kickball leagues which is fun! The Wednesday night crew is fun & we actually have hung out outside of kickball so meeting more people is great. We are getting ready to end the season, but most of us will be returning next season. Friday night kickball just started & will be a good time. The bonus part–Joe the creeper couldn’t fill his team so they aren’t playing this season! And since I am not playing Tuesday cornhole right now that means I NO LONGER HAVE TO SEE HIM!!!! Isn’t that amazing??? That’s how it frigging should have been 2 years ago!!! Life is so good. lol
Work has been ok. It is more enjoyable since I am doing just my job duties. I feel less stress & am much more caught up. An opening in another department did come up in February & yesterday I applied. I don’t know where it will go or if anything will even come of it, but at least I did it! The job closes on March 9th so it will be a bit before I hear anything either way.
My diet is good–I hit 12 pounds lost this morning! I have been sticking to my food plan except for the alcohol (lol I know). I might try to decrease it a little more to like 1000 calories a day & see what happens. Just under 4 weeks left in the gym challenge so I am motivated! I feel stronger & have really been putting in effort at the gym. A few people who haven’t seen me lately said my shape is changing & I am looking thinner so there is some progress! I was pleased last month also to become a Just Strong ambassador. They are a fitness clothing company in the UK that promotes & encourages women. So not only is it fun clothes to wear around, but I love the message of girl power being spread! If you decide you want to order I can give my discount code! http://www.juststrongclothing.com
So all in all I LOVE that March is roaring in!!! Feel the power! Know your value! 💙💚💛🧡❤️
I have really been trying to stick with my food & exercise program which is going pretty well! This is the middle of week 3. Weeks 1 & 2 showed great progress…I lost 7 pounds & was very active. Unfortunately I was also body sore from throwing myself in with such gusto & constantly moving for steps. lol I tried to level out my schedule. Now week 3 hasn’t been so great…I’ve actually gained a 2 pounds & while I am still being active to meet my weekly goals, it’s not as much activity as the previous weeks. I also had a couple snacks (nothing crazy, but still) from the food diet. Bad me!
Activity wise I am going to the gym 3 days a week. I have to say I am really enjoying it! I was afraid the extra visit a week would get tedious or burn me out & I would start to hate it (that’s happened before), but I haven’t felt that way at all so I am very surprised. Perhaps it’s just working into my schedule that I don’t notice the change? I also really enjoy the gym atmosphere (it’s a good social place for me) & the workouts themselves constantly change so it stays fresh. Using my FitBit (gosh I love that little gadget!) I set some goals weekly for myself which I find is working better for me than daily goals. By having weekly goals instead it allows me a little slack if I need a light day (either to recover or if I am too busy) & then I can go hard again. My weekly step goal is 70,000 & for active minutes is 300. I like having active minutes cause when I am riding my bike or working out I am still getting “credit” per se without having to walk around so I can do other activities. I have been meeting my goals so perhaps at week 4 I will do an increase.
The food portion is going well. Obviously having meals prepared & delivered to you ready to go doesn’t get any easier. The 1st week I had a national company, but the shipping charges were as much as the food so it was ridiculous & unsustainable for more than a month or maybe 2 if I really stretched the dollars. I did more research & found a local business that offers a lot more pricing & varying food options plus weekly delivery is $6 versus $150. YAY!!! The food is really good! I have no restrictions, not a picky eater (obviously!) & said I just wanted a balanced meal plan so I let them pick everything. Sticking to about a 1200 calories per day. I thought I would be starving compared to the monster portions I was eating before, but I am not. I have even skipped meals if I go out or I’m not hungry which I know isn’t good, but eating just cause I should eat doesn’t seem right either. I’ve definitely been getting more vegetables and items I normally wouldn’t be eating which is good. For the gym challenge we have to keep a food journal so that part has been very easy for me & obviously my food choice are spot on. I am told every week to cut the alcohol out (hahahaha!!!), but let’s be real…I want to make changes that are going to last & start having overall better long term habits. Can I go without booze for this 8 week challenge? Sure. But I am not going to live the rest of my life that way so might as well learn how to balance it.
Imagine that…eating balanced meals with regular exercise has me feeling good, losing weight, plenty of energy, my skin is better, my mood is better. I guess my trainers might actually have a clue what they’re doing. Yeah, they love me. hahaha!!!
I decided January was pretty much just me getting ready for 2018 to start February 1st. So I’m a little delayed 🤷🏼♀️ Being sick wiped me out for several weeks and I finally started feeling better last week. But it gave me time to think and decide on a plan of attack moving forward.
My diet has to change. The weight has to go. 40 is coming & I refuse to start it like this! In January I upped my gym member ship to 3 days a week which was a good start, but my food intake is wildly out of control. 😭 So starting this week I am having pre-made meals delivered to home. The fat kid can’t be in charge cause obviously I have no control! I’m on day 3 of reduced calories and better eating…no one has died. Honestly though I feel better. And I’m not hungry. Amazing what properly planned meals can do and it makes it very simple which is also nice.
The Wednesday night kickball is going well. The team I was put on is really fun & we have a good time playing. It’s nice to meet a whole new set of people. The cornhole on Tuesday ended with us winning the finals!!! And we eliminated Joe on the way to the end which was an added bonus to the night. YAY!! 😝🏆 Not sure if we’ll play next season & have a month off so in the mean time I’m attending track workouts with my gym group on Tuesday nights. Gotta get those steps in!
Work is going ok. I’ve had some duties taken from me recently which I got upset about originally, but upon further thought it was stuff that wasn’t my job to do & now I’m freed up to do my actual job. It’s really improved the stress level for me having things simplified. Now my coworker is freaking out with all the added duties she has but hey…it wasn’t my choice. Hearing how cranky or unhappy she is makes me realize how bad I probably sounded. Glad it’s not me anymore!
Mom was just down here to celebrate her birthday. We went to Disney for a few days & had a really good time! Did the Aloha dinner and also did a tour at Magic Kingdom (take the Keys to the Kingdom tour–amazing!!). Our relationship has really improved. I’m hoping my parents will be back to visit again in the next few months. Dad is having knee replacement next week 🤞
It’s been a busy week so I’m looking forward to the weekend!
A year ago I hit rock bottom & knew I needed help. I know everyone has different ideas of what that is, but for me…throwing up everyday, couldn’t stop losing weight, feeling out of control yet so tired, not giving a shit yet so over analyzing to exhaustion, being numb inside with a smile on the outside & basically just being a zombie for the last 6 months.
I knew it was beyond me helping myself. The pep talks weren’t working. The “get your shit together” & “he’s not worth it” mantras weren’t helping me. Bless my friends who stuck by me & for loving me no matter how crazy I acted. I felt defeated, beat down, helpless. I needed change and it was going to take help to achieve it.
I found a primary care dr & got myself a physical. She put me on the Xanax. I didn’t want just meds to solve the situation…I wanted to know how to handle the issues so I (hopefully) never found myself in this spot again. I found a therapist I liked & started addressing the issues. I joined a gym. I was so skinny I needed some strength (I’ll be vain & say that WAS a perk of all this was I looked smokin hot for my 20 year reunion!). Mentally strong as well as physically which my amazing trainers have offered. I needed to reevaluate my circle of friends and acquaintances. The wolf pack as I called them became smaller, but I invested more in those relationships and know who I can count on. They are still standing with me today while the others have fallen wayside. I joined a church. I’m not the most consistent attendee, but I have opened my heart & mind which has allowed me to see so many of the blessings I have. Plus it’s an amazing group of people to be around! I have repaired & improved the relationship with my parents which was huge.
None of this was easy. It took me months to accomplish those things & then find a routine that worked for me. It’s still not easy at times when I feel something starting to unravel, but I have learned how to recognize & get myself back on track. I have eliminated “crazy” from my life in any form & I avoid it at all costs. It’s just not worth having it! I really have learned what anxiety is too. I realize now this isn’t something that happened to me over night. Looking back starting in my teens I see where there were times it was affecting me but I was able to channel it better or actually even hide it in some ways without even knowing what was wrong with me. Bless my mom for she was clueless…she would just tell me to suck it up if I faltered or showed weakness. Having relocated to a new area and not having any support system so when “bad” things would happen left me totally exposed. No routine, no security, no way to cope…no wonder I fell apart.
It’s a work in progress. Right now I’m in a good place which feels great! When it starts to get rough I give myself a timeout to regroup. The last few months have definitely had some up & downs to work thru. I still deep inside sometimes see the hot mess of a year ago, but slowly that girl is starting to fade. Life is good. 😊
Life has been busy. This time of year always seems to be. Lots going on which is great, but I’m trying not to over do it either.
I worked my side job last weekend. Which it had been raining on off for like 2 weeks. That’s getting old! Will got back from his work trip & we had a great dinner Sunday night (date #2). It was a really nice way to wrap up the weekend.
Monday I played cornhole, but Tuesday it got rained out. Impromptu dinner with friends which I invited Will also. I figured he’s seen me dressed up nice twice so this was casual jeans stuffing down wings. 🤣 He wasn’t fazed at all which was nice to see. I am enjoying hanging out & slowly getting to know him. He went out of town again for a few days & now his mom is here visiting until next week. I told him if he needs a break he knows how to find me. 😉
I had therapy last week. I do enjoy meeting with her. I know I’ve made a lot of improvements since last summer, but sometimes all I see is that hot mess still. She keeps it in perspective & we talk out things. Between the gym & a bday party I had a FULL week! Definitely going low key this weekend.
Last night had a concert with the girls which was a blast!! Then we headed next door to the casino for a bit. I don’t play but it’s fun to hang & watch. Today I’ve been running errands which FL summer had kicked in. It’s hot! I really wish I could get some beach time. Perhaps tomorrow? I sent my dad his Father’s Day stuff this week so I’ll give him a call.
I leave next Monday for Canada for 2 weeks so I’ve been getting things organized for that. I’m trying not to leave it til the last minute to get ready, but you know in some way it always ends up that way. Even work I’ve been trying to get ready so it’s not a complete mess this week or when I return.
Tonight is a life celebration for a friend’s family member. But it’s at a bar & then the beach for sunset. Not sure what to expect. Maybe the bar is a good idea?
Blah the rain. Yes we needed it. Yay we are ok longer a high fire risk. The grass is green & growing. But come on…since last Thursday night it’s been on/off & starting Monday pretty much all day rain. ☔️ So over it. I miss the sun. I miss my activities. I would like to not be wearing my raincoat all the time. 🙄
Monday started out with me driving to work & a low tire pressure light going on. On the tire I just replaced 6 weeks ago. Work was a bit of a shit show cause apparently people didn’t do things while I was gone which made meeting the deadlines that day insane. I left work & hauled ass to the car dealership so they could look at the tire. Turns out another nail (WTF??!!) and the computer needs to be adjusted cause it was the other side that was flat (not the side it was saying). Again wtf??? Thank goodness again for that extra tire warranty cause that’s another $400 I didn’t have to shell out when they ordered the tire. 🙏 I then headed to the gym where my face & jaw was starting to hurt so much I half assed it just get it done. I apologized to my awesome trainer…she knows when I’m not right & isn’t a jerk about it. I had taken a pain pill at work early, but I can’t drive on them so couldn’t take another. Got home, made dinner & went to bed! 👊
Tuesday more rain. More of the same work crap (still catching up). But changed my dinner plans when cornhole cancelled! My favorite local event is going on…restaurants offer fixed menus for a low price for 2 weeks. Usually these are upscale or places I never go so trying to get to a few new ones again this year. Except my frigging tooth pain is really putting a damper on things!! Nevertheless I was determined last night to eat & it was fabulous. Had a good time catching up with my gf & her bf. One of my favorite stores is having their semi annual sale so I stopped there & can you believe I found exactly what I have been looking for?? On sale??!! That never happens so it made for a much improved day!! And I got a cute new dress for peanuts at the thrift store on lunch break. Day improving. 👍
Today again it’s raining. Yeah shocker. 😂 I’m hitting the gym after work & then home. I need an early night to catch up. My tooth is still hurting & it’s been a week so I’m thinking there is something else wrong? I have a follow up dental appointment tomorrow.
Good news…William & I have continued to stay in touch. He’s back in Seattle, but coming home Sunday so we’re doing dinner that night. Date #2!! I’m trying not to be too excited or get ahead, but I am looking forward to seeing him & spending actual time together. It’s been almost a month we’ve been “talking” yet have only met that one time. Which is really weird for me (I’ve never done anything like this before) although I like it! How crazy is that? Things are moving slow which is good right now cause I have a lot of my own stuff going on. Fingers crossed 🤞
I feel like I am getting back in the game again.
First my weight is at 168 lbs. Yay me! It’s been holding there for the past week which I think is a good sign. Obviously I’m still reaching for my goal of 160, but this is definitely signs of encouragement for me. Keep staying active & really think about what I eat!!
Next off…my dating life. It’s gotten a bit of a revival recently. Online dating is a necessary evil I feel to just try to meet more people. Where else can one go? As much as I do & try to spread my social circle it seems to be with a lot of people already in relationships. I have basically been using 2 sites (Tinder & Bumble) to find matches. Thanks to Tinder this week I have 2 meet ups.
#1 was last night after my cornhole league was over he stopped by the bar for a drink. His name is Mark. We had a very nice 2 hours of chatting & hanging out. I liked him & would like to get to know him more, but there are some obstacles. He works a goofy schedule (commercial pilot) which I totally understand & he also has 4 daughters ranging from 9-12 yo (a set of twins in there). So he’s pretty busy! Plus his divorce has only been officially final for a month so even though it’s been over, it’s now freshly over you know? He admits he’s just trying to get back out there & attempt having a social life with his job/kids which I appreciate his honesty. But here’s my deal…I know what I bring to the table. I don’t want you to be with me cause I’m the 1st girl you dated after divorce or cause you had a few weird encounters online & you think I’m really normal (yeah he said that lol). I want somebody who recognizes what a catch I am, WANTS to be with me & treats me accordingly. So go out there & date some other women so you can appreciate what I have to offer (sane, employed & financially responsible for starters which many woman down here aren’t!). He said he’d like to meet again which I said sure & to stay in touch with our schedules! So we’ll see….
#2 is happening tonight. Meeting for drinks. William is closer to my age. Grew up in the Midwest also. We have texted some, but I don’t know a whole lot about him so I am curious. Looking forward to it! Then I need to make an appearance at my other cornhole league which is having an opener meet & greet tonight. Honestly I just didn’t feel like hanging out with Joe & his partner Katie (shitty girl in previous posts) for a whole evening. It makes for an awkward time (watching her hang on the married guy is weird) & I have better things to do & people to hang out with. William is going on a work trip for 2 weeks & this was our only chance to meet before. Plus I’m crazy…remember? hahaha!!!
**only 2 more days til my birthday. Gosh that 40 is getting closer….