Tag Archives: progress

Weekend getaway revelations

I type this as I’m flying back south after a weekend visit to Chicago. Less than 48 hours there, but an interesting trip for me. The reason for this trip was the wedding (the bachelorette party from last month) & as a bonus I got to see my dad for Father’s Day!

It started Friday after work. First flight was fine. Delays all over at the next airport which wasn’t affecting me initially, but eventually my flight was 40 minutes late leaving. Whatever. I wasn’t in a time crunch & I wasn’t going to be bothered by something I can’t control. Holy cow other people were super pissed though so I enjoyed dinner at my gate & some late evening entertainment! I landed really late, got my Lyft & made it to the hotel by 1:30am so not too bad. Yay!

Saturday morning after being up over 20 hours & with the time change I only got a few hours nap we’ll call it. Since it was 8am & I didn’t have to be ready for the wedding shuttle til 3pm…I went to the hotel gym. I know? Who the fuck am I?? I have become the weird person who works out AND LIKES IT on vacations. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I then went to breakfast at the restaurant & enjoyed a leisurely meal before I went back to nap some more & get ready. I pondered the pool but it was indoors and didn’t have good chairs to read or sleep on.

As I sat there eating breakfast I realized how much I have changed. I came all by myself on this trip (not even meeting up with my BFF as my wedding date), hadn’t spoke to anyone (outside of hotel or airport interactions) since I left work Friday & was actually doing things (not just hiding in my room) AND I WAS OK WITH IT. Ding ding. Wow big girl moment! I dare say I felt quite at ease and comfortable with my own company. I am always surprised when people tell me they won’t do things on their own cause it makes me then wonder how little I would be doing if I hadn’t adopted the just do it mentality 5+ years ago? Honestly I didn’t always feel comfortable or I’d feel very self conscious doing things solo especially if it was a couples or group type thing but I just kept pushing myself to go rather than miss out. Eventually I just ignored the feelings & did whatever it was. But this was the first time I honestly could say I was comfortable with being by myself.

Finally!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The wedding Saturday by the way was amazing! It was outside at an estate in a very upscale area and all top notch. I got to see the girls I met last month all gussied up plus several friends I hadn’t caught up with since I moved so it was very enjoyable. The bride & groom were a beautiful couple and I am so happy everything was perfect for them! Except the bloody heat & humidity. It was sweltering sitting there for the ceremony so I can only imagine how the wedding party felt standing. Seriously I never want to hear anyone bitch about Florida heat again! I mean if you are in the center of the state or some shithole area by all means but you brought that on yourself honey. I live on the Gulf & we have breezes and there’s never been a triple digit day. Now the Chicagoland area…they are having severe heat watch or whatever they call it & it’s like the face of the sun trying to breathe. I don’t miss any of that! I’m so happy to be on the plane headed south right now 🤣

I was a bum this morning. I considered working out again, but that would make 4 days in a row when I get home which I’ve learned doesn’t work for me. I need a recovery day if I want my workouts to be effective. My parents picked me up at the hotel & we went for Father’s Day lunch on the way to the airport. I was so happy to see my Dad today as I haven’t gotten to spend it with him in the 5 years since I moved. Plus I haven’t seen him since November for his birthday. We talk on the phone and stay in touch regularly but it’s just not the same. The parents are going on a vacation next week but I encouraged Dad at least (mom’s working) to come visit even for a few days after that so maybe.

All in all it was a great trip! I realized I’ve had a lot of personal growth which is good to see. I’m happy to be heading home though. I upped my gym membership this month & I’m having my food delivered again this week. I need to get back on track for my weight goals. I was so close and the last 2 weeks its gotten ugly. 😖 All on me & I know it so time to get serious again. The 4th of July is mygoal now!

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Sticking to the program

I have really been trying to stick with my food & exercise program which is going pretty well! This is the middle of week 3. Weeks 1 & 2 showed great progress…I lost 7 pounds & was very active. Unfortunately I was also body sore from throwing myself in with such gusto & constantly moving for steps. lol I tried to level out my schedule. Now week 3 hasn’t been so great…I’ve actually gained a 2 pounds & while I am still being active to meet my weekly goals, it’s not as much activity as the previous weeks. I also had a couple snacks (nothing crazy, but still) from the food diet. Bad me!

Activity wise I am going to the gym 3 days a week. I have to say I am really enjoying it! I was afraid the extra visit a week would get tedious or burn me out & I would start to hate it (that’s happened before), but I haven’t felt that way at all so I am very surprised. Perhaps it’s just working into my schedule that I don’t notice the change? I also really enjoy the gym atmosphere (it’s a good social place for me) & the workouts themselves constantly change so it stays fresh. Using my FitBit (gosh I love that little gadget!) I set some goals weekly for myself which I find is working better for me than daily goals. By having weekly goals instead it allows me a little slack if I need a light day (either to recover or if I am too busy) & then I can go hard again. My weekly step goal is 70,000 & for active minutes is 300. I like having active minutes cause when I am riding my bike or working out I am still getting “credit” per se without having to walk around so I can do other activities. I have been meeting my goals so perhaps at week 4 I will do an increase.

The food portion is going well. Obviously having meals prepared & delivered to you ready to go doesn’t get any easier. The 1st week I had a national company, but the shipping charges were as much as the food so it was ridiculous & unsustainable for more than a month or maybe 2 if I really stretched the dollars. I did more research & found a local business that offers a lot more pricing & varying food options plus weekly delivery is $6 versus $150. YAY!!! The food is really good! I have no restrictions, not a picky eater (obviously!) & said I just wanted a balanced meal plan so I let them pick everything. Sticking to about a 1200 calories per day. I thought I would be starving compared to the monster portions I was eating before, but I am not. I have even skipped meals if I go out or I’m not hungry which I know isn’t good, but eating just cause I should eat doesn’t seem right either. I’ve definitely been getting more vegetables and items I normally wouldn’t be eating which is good. For the gym challenge we have to keep a food journal so that part has been very easy for me & obviously my food choice are spot on. I am told every week to cut the alcohol out (hahahaha!!!), but let’s be real…I want to make changes that are going to last & start having overall better long term habits. Can I go without booze for this 8 week challenge? Sure. But I am not going to live the rest of my life that way so might as well learn how to balance it.

Imagine that…eating balanced meals with regular exercise has me feeling good, losing weight, plenty of energy, my skin is better, my mood is better. I guess my trainers might actually have a clue what they’re doing. Yeah, they love me. hahaha!!!

On track now!

I decided January was pretty much just me getting ready for 2018 to start February 1st. So I’m a little delayed 🤷🏼‍♀️ Being sick wiped me out for several weeks and I finally started feeling better last week. But it gave me time to think and decide on a plan of attack moving forward.

My diet has to change. The weight has to go. 40 is coming & I refuse to start it like this! In January I upped my gym member ship to 3 days a week which was a good start, but my food intake is wildly out of control. 😭 So starting this week I am having pre-made meals delivered to home. The fat kid can’t be in charge cause obviously I have no control! I’m on day 3 of reduced calories and better eating…no one has died. Honestly though I feel better. And I’m not hungry. Amazing what properly planned meals can do and it makes it very simple which is also nice.

The Wednesday night kickball is going well. The team I was put on is really fun & we have a good time playing. It’s nice to meet a whole new set of people. The cornhole on Tuesday ended with us winning the finals!!! And we eliminated Joe on the way to the end which was an added bonus to the night. YAY!! 😝🏆 Not sure if we’ll play next season & have a month off so in the mean time I’m attending track workouts with my gym group on Tuesday nights. Gotta get those steps in!

Work is going ok. I’ve had some duties taken from me recently which I got upset about originally, but upon further thought it was stuff that wasn’t my job to do & now I’m freed up to do my actual job. It’s really improved the stress level for me having things simplified. Now my coworker is freaking out with all the added duties she has but hey…it wasn’t my choice. Hearing how cranky or unhappy she is makes me realize how bad I probably sounded. Glad it’s not me anymore!

Mom was just down here to celebrate her birthday. We went to Disney for a few days & had a really good time! Did the Aloha dinner and also did a tour at Magic Kingdom (take the Keys to the Kingdom tour–amazing!!). Our relationship has really improved. I’m hoping my parents will be back to visit again in the next few months. Dad is having knee replacement next week 🤞

It’s been a busy week so I’m looking forward to the weekend!

It’s been a year 

A year ago I hit rock bottom & knew I needed help. I know everyone has different ideas of what that is, but for me…throwing up everyday, couldn’t stop losing weight, feeling out of control yet so tired, not giving a shit yet so over analyzing to exhaustion, being numb inside with a smile on the outside & basically just being a zombie for the last 6 months. 

I knew it was beyond me helping myself. The pep talks weren’t working. The “get your shit together” & “he’s not worth it” mantras weren’t helping me. Bless my friends who stuck by me & for loving me no matter how crazy I acted. I felt defeated, beat down, helpless. I needed change and it was going to take help to achieve it.

I found a primary care dr & got myself a physical. She put me on the Xanax. I didn’t want just meds to solve the situation…I wanted to know how to handle the issues so I (hopefully) never found myself in this spot again. I found a therapist I liked & started addressing the issues. I joined a gym. I was so skinny I needed some strength (I’ll be vain & say that WAS a perk of all this was I looked smokin hot for my 20 year reunion!). Mentally strong as well as physically which my amazing trainers have offered. I needed to reevaluate my circle of friends and acquaintances. The wolf pack as I called them became smaller, but I invested more in those relationships and know who I can count on. They are still standing with me today while the others have fallen wayside. I joined a church. I’m not the most consistent attendee, but I have opened my heart & mind which has allowed me to see so many of the blessings I have. Plus it’s an amazing group of people to be around! I have repaired & improved the relationship with my parents which was huge. 

None of this was easy. It took me months to accomplish those things & then find a routine that worked for me. It’s still not easy at times when I feel something starting to unravel, but I have learned how to recognize & get myself back on track. I have eliminated “crazy” from my life in any form & I avoid it at all costs. It’s just not worth having it! I really have learned what anxiety is too. I realize now this isn’t something that happened to me over night. Looking back starting in my teens I see where there were times it was affecting me but I was able to channel it better or actually even hide it in some ways without even knowing what was wrong with me. Bless my mom for she was clueless…she would just tell me to suck it up if I faltered or showed weakness. Having relocated to a new area and not having any support system so when “bad” things would happen left me totally exposed. No routine, no security, no way to cope…no wonder I fell apart.

It’s a work in progress. Right now I’m in a good place which feels great! When it starts to get rough I give myself a timeout to regroup. The last few months have definitely had some up & downs to work thru. I still deep inside sometimes see the hot mess of a year ago, but slowly that girl is starting to fade. Life is good. 😊

Fitting it all in

Life has been busy. This time of year always seems to be. Lots going on which is great, but I’m trying not to over do it either. 

I worked my side job last weekend. Which it had been raining on off for like 2 weeks. That’s getting old! Will got back from his work trip & we had a great dinner Sunday night (date #2). It was a really nice way to wrap up the weekend.

Monday I played cornhole, but Tuesday it got rained out. Impromptu dinner with friends which I invited Will also. I figured he’s seen me dressed up nice twice so this was casual jeans stuffing down wings. 🤣 He wasn’t fazed at all which was nice to see. I am enjoying hanging out & slowly getting to know him. He went out of town again for a few days & now his mom is here visiting until next week. I told him if he needs a break he knows how to find me. 😉

I had therapy last week. I do enjoy meeting with her. I know I’ve made a lot of improvements since last summer, but sometimes all I see is that hot mess still. She keeps it in perspective & we talk out things. Between the gym & a bday party I had a FULL week! Definitely going low key this weekend. 

Last night had a concert with the girls which was a blast!! Then we headed next door to the casino for a bit. I don’t play but it’s fun to hang & watch. Today I’ve been running errands which FL summer had kicked in. It’s hot! I really wish I could get some beach time. Perhaps tomorrow? I sent my dad his Father’s Day stuff this week so I’ll give him a call.

I leave next Monday for Canada for 2 weeks so I’ve been getting things organized for that. I’m trying not to leave it til the last minute to get ready, but you know in some way it always ends up that way. Even work I’ve been trying to get ready so it’s not a complete mess this week or when I return.

Tonight is a life celebration for a friend’s family member. But it’s at a bar & then the beach for sunset. Not sure what to expect. Maybe the bar is a good idea?

Hump day ho hums

Blah the rain. Yes we needed it. Yay we are ok longer a high fire risk. The grass is green & growing. But come on…since last Thursday night it’s been on/off & starting Monday pretty much all day rain. ☔️ So over it. I miss the sun. I miss my activities. I would like to not be wearing my raincoat all the time. 🙄

Monday started out with me driving to work & a low tire pressure light going on. On the tire I just replaced 6 weeks ago. Work was a bit of a shit show cause apparently people didn’t do things while I was gone which made meeting the deadlines that day insane. I left work & hauled ass to the car dealership so they could look at the tire. Turns out another nail (WTF??!!) and the computer needs to be adjusted cause it was the other side that was flat (not the side it was saying). Again wtf??? Thank goodness again for that extra tire warranty cause that’s another $400 I didn’t have to shell out when they ordered the tire. 🙏 I then headed to the gym where my face & jaw was starting to hurt so much I half assed it just get it done. I apologized to my awesome trainer…she knows when I’m not right & isn’t a jerk about it. I had taken a pain pill at work early, but I can’t drive on them so couldn’t take another. Got home, made dinner & went to bed! 👊

Tuesday more rain. More of the same work crap (still catching up). But changed my dinner plans when cornhole cancelled! My favorite local event is going on…restaurants offer fixed menus for a low price for 2 weeks. Usually these are upscale or places I never go so trying to get to a few new ones again this year. Except my frigging tooth pain is really putting a damper on things!! Nevertheless I was determined last night to eat & it was fabulous. Had a good time catching up with my gf & her bf. One of my favorite stores is having their semi annual sale so I stopped there & can you believe I found exactly what I have been looking for?? On sale??!! That never happens so it made for a much improved day!! And I got a cute new dress for peanuts at the thrift store on lunch break. Day improving. 👍

Today again it’s raining. Yeah shocker. 😂 I’m hitting the gym after work & then home. I need an early night to catch up. My tooth is still hurting & it’s been a week so I’m thinking there is something else wrong? I have a follow up dental appointment tomorrow.

Good news…William & I have continued to stay in touch. He’s back in Seattle, but coming home Sunday so we’re doing dinner that night. Date #2!! I’m trying not to be too excited or get ahead, but I am looking forward to seeing him & spending actual time together. It’s been almost a month we’ve been “talking” yet have only met that one time. Which is really weird for me (I’ve never done anything like this before) although I like it! How crazy is that? Things are moving slow which is good right now cause I have a lot of my own stuff going on. Fingers crossed 🤞 

Feeling back in the game

I feel like I am getting back in the game again.

First my weight is at 168 lbs. Yay me! It’s been holding there for the past week which I think is a good sign. Obviously I’m still reaching for my goal of 160, but this is definitely signs of encouragement for me. Keep staying active & really think about what I eat!!

Next off…my dating life. It’s gotten a bit of a revival recently. Online dating is a necessary evil I feel to just try to meet more people. Where else can one go? As much as I do & try to spread my social circle it seems to be with a lot of people already in relationships. I have basically been using 2 sites (Tinder & Bumble) to find matches. Thanks to Tinder this week I have 2 meet ups.

#1 was last night after my cornhole league was over he stopped by the bar for a drink. His name is Mark. We had a very nice 2 hours of chatting & hanging out. I liked him & would like to get to know him more, but there are some obstacles. He works a goofy schedule (commercial pilot) which I totally understand & he also has 4 daughters ranging from 9-12 yo (a set of twins in there). So he’s pretty busy! Plus his divorce has only been officially final for a month so even though it’s been over, it’s now freshly over you know? He admits he’s just trying to get back out there & attempt having a social life with his job/kids which I appreciate his honesty. But here’s my deal…I know what I bring to the table. I don’t want you to be with me cause I’m the 1st girl you dated after divorce or cause you had a few weird encounters online & you think I’m really normal (yeah he said that lol). I want somebody who recognizes what a catch I am, WANTS to be with me & treats me accordingly. So go out there & date some other women so you can appreciate what I have to offer (sane, employed & financially responsible for starters which many woman down here aren’t!). He said he’d like to meet again which I said sure & to stay in touch with our schedules! So we’ll see….

#2 is happening tonight. Meeting for drinks. William is closer to my age. Grew up in the Midwest also. We have texted some, but I don’t know a whole lot about him so I am curious. Looking forward to it! Then I need to make an appearance at my other cornhole league which is having an opener meet & greet tonight. Honestly I just didn’t feel like hanging out with Joe & his partner Katie (shitty girl in previous posts) for a whole evening. It makes for an awkward time (watching her hang on the married guy is weird) & I have better things to do & people to hang out with. William is going on a work trip for 2 weeks & this was our only chance to meet before. Plus I’m crazy…remember? hahaha!!!

**only 2 more days til my birthday. Gosh that 40 is getting closer….