Woo…summer is going FAST!!! 💨💨
Lots of changes too surprise surprise. lol I know that’s how I roll. Life starts to slip slide down hill. I should be writing things down here & organizing my wild thoughts. Instead I wallow & start to hide & pull myself away until I finally get my shit back together & then BOOM I am moving forward.
I think it started after my trip to Chicago in mid-June & realizing how much I MISSED my privacy. That hotel suite all weekend to myself was just too nice. lol Not having a door on my bedroom was getting really old fast! Living with kids was more challenging than I had anticipated. Sharing a bathroom can be rough anyways, but sharing with kids AND everyone else who walks in the house was getting to be too much for me. By early July I was getting deeper down the hole (not sleeping, gaining weight, stressing out) cause honestly I was just unhappy. I tried making changes in other areas of my life, but realized that ultimately it was my housing situation causing me the problem & to quote my therapist I needed to “get the fuck out of there”.
Side note: my job that has been a major source of unhappiness for some time suddenly was resolved the end of June when the head of our division was walked out the door by HR on a Friday afternoon. I will not lie…extremely happy satisfying moment for me. I had been waiting for 1.5 years for that person to get theirs after they had tossed me under the bus & it finally happened which I knew it would. That’s just the line of work I am in–it all comes full circle if you give it enough time & have patience. I felt a giant whoooosh leave me that day & returning to work the following Monday has been massive improvements ever since. Even the perpetually unhappy person has been put in their place by new management & the toxic stressful environment has disappeared. Poof!
So anyways of course now that I decide in my head I need to leave, finding new housing is a whole other adventure. I knew I had to be patient cause I wanted within a certain area (I love my location!) & I definitely wanted a child free home with my own bathroom. I didn’t want to hop from 1 mess to another mess so I found some, looked at a few & knew I needed to wait. People are CRAZY. Yes, you are having me coming into your home as a roommate & obviously I expect there to be some ground rules, but some of it was just plain bat shit crazy. One lady even wanted me to make her coffee every morning like her previous roommate–sorry this isn’t Starbucks & I am not a barista! If you want me to PAY you rent, you have to give up some control. I understand…I have been on that side before having room renters in my home but it’s a give & take. Argh….
To sum it up I found a place that will make do for now I figure & it’s month to month. Older gentleman that rents out his extra rooms & I will have my own bathroom so at least I get out of John’s place (who by now I was going nuts trying to deal with kids on summer break & general craziness). I let John know I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Within a few days I realize I can’t continue staying there & pack my stuff to start moving out. There was a lot more going on in that house than I ever told people & only 2 of my very good friends knew it all cause they knew the situation about the best or had it seen it themselves. They were also the 2 people who helped me get my stuff out when I had to move it. I am so thankful for them. I knew a lien for foreclosure had been filed in June. Our water had been shut off before too. And so many other bad things happening with finances & business, etc… yet John never seemed to acknowledge it or blamed it on somebody else. Another reason my anxiety was probably in overload cause it’s like I knew things I probably shouldn’t know, but I wasn’t going to call him out on it. I didn’t feel it was my place. I just needed to get out. Unfortunately that was a 4 year friendship that has now ended, but on the other had I guess it wasn’t that good of a friendship after all.
In the mean time things had changed at the new shared house & I was getting a strange vibe from the guy so I kept looking for housing & found another house. This time it’s just me living there! Higher end of what I wanted to pay, but I can swing it & it’s worth having my own little place. It’s a 3 bedroom home, but the owner is storing furniture in the other 2 rooms so I only have access to my bedroom/bathroom, the kitchen, living/dining area, laundry room (with new appliances!) & even a closed in carport for my car!! It’s perfect sizing for me!! Location wise I am back up by where the very 1st house was I was a roommate in so I’m familiar with & like the area. I moved all my stuff again (thanks to my bestie!) the next weekend & then left for my annual week of side work in Wisconsin. Which was amazing–I needed a break from FL, it was good to see friends, great to see my parents for dinner & I came back refreshed.
And now here we are the end of August. I woke up this week & realized I am happy. Like very simple just plain happy. I knew I had to keep sludging ahead thru the muck, but I think things are coming together nicely now. Work has improved. My housing has improved. My health has improved. Life overall is going well!!
As my friend I saw in Wisconsin said to me this week…FINALLY