Let the waiting begin ūüĆÄ

This is a ūüíĮ true story right here.

Hurricane Dorian has been all over the news for what a week now? More? He finally came to Puerto Rico yesterday. They still don’t know when he’ll get to Florida let alone WHERE in Florida he will arrive. But let’s just talk about it 24 FUCKING 7 even though they keep saying they won’t know more until closer to the weekend. Making people panic & freak out is always a good time. Is it a cat 1 or a cat 3? OMG nobody knows but let’s PANIC & start spazzing out is always a great option.

Don’t get me wrong. Hurricanes are serious shit. People need to turn off their social medias, go educate themselves & then prepare how they best feel suits them. I have only been down here 6 years & gone thru just Irma, but lord people like to freak out I have seen. And why?? You can’t stop it. You can’t change it. I went last night to Sam’s Club which people were still polite & things organized. I had heard other stores not so much already. And it was still a week away.

Overall I think the biggest bitch I’ve heard from people is it’s Labor Day weekend & all Monday plans have been cancelled. Thanks Dorian. You’re a dbag.


a blast from the past

Last week was my annual trip up to Wisconsin where I work my side job & get to see friends & family since it’s sort of the same area where I lived previously & people I worked with up there. It has also become apparently the week when guys of times past will contact me out of the frigging blue. Seriously. Last year it was my former boyfriend (I suppose fianc√© since we were planning the wedding) who I hadn’t spoke to since early 2006 to tell him I had paid off the car he cosigned for. Prior to that we had last spoke in early 2003 to file taxes & sort things out from our townhome we bought together. Weird right?

This year’s winner….J. Yup the guy from the spring of 2018. Who disappeared after kickball season ended in May. Who I later heard thru the grapevine had moved to Ohio. Yeah that guy.

It all starts off with a text of “hey what’s up”. I’m great dude. Then “you need to come visit me”. Now no offense to Ohio, but there is nothing I am dying to see there so nope. When you’re down in Florida (where his daughter still lives) you can contact me to catch up. Next he sends a “so what’s new that I wouldn’t know” which is when I dived in. I wrote “you mean since May of 2018 when poof you disappeared?” & then it was off to the races. Guys are such morons! They always come back. He took 15 months, but there he was texting me. I don’t know what for. I am not giving out 2nd chances. I am pretty upfront about that from the get go when I start dating someone.¬†If you can’t not fuck things up to start with why should I reward your shitty behavior by letting you do it to me again?? No thanks. Apparently I have learned something these past few years!

To his credit he did apologize for how things went down (he claimed to not have told anyone he was moving¬†since he didn’t want to go which I do believe cause many people didn’t know what happened to him). He said he wished he had at least told me what was going on & he was sorry cause it didn’t look good at the time how everything played out timing wise. He said he enjoyed hanging out with me & missed that. Of course you do dumbass. I am a good decent human being & I know I am not (easily if ever)¬†replaceable. Duh.

I told him I appreciated him acknowledging it & I was sorry he went thru a difficult time he couldn’t share with anyone, but that I hoped things were going well for him now. And then it was silence on his end. Absolutely nothing. Whatever. I may hear from again. I¬†may not. I honestly don’t care. He’s on my social media so he can see what’s happening in my life. I don’t know what he expected from this exchange, but me pining away waiting for him to call isn’t it & I imagine he realized that quickly from my responses.

I can’t wait to see who I hear from next year. ūüėÄ

and the winner is…

If you said yes Ken & I would spend time together this weekend then HOLY SHIT YOU WERE RIGHT! Get out your crystal ball & go play some Lotto cause you are better (or at least more optimistic) at predicting things than I am.

We spent allllll day Sunday together. Like 9am when I met him down at the beach until 5am when he went to work. Like a totally normal Sunday funday. How crazy is that?? I know! Hung at the beach a few hours and grabbed some lunch. Went back home to shower, watch tv and hang out awhile. Then we hit happy hour before tacos, meandering around shops and walking back down to the beach to watch the sun lower (we didn’t stay all the way to the end) before hitting the grocery store on the way back to my place. Since I’m going out of town this week I did some laundry & we watched tv before bed.

Like how totally dull boring simple normal is that?? And I loved all of it!! ‚̧ԳŹ

Place your bets

Will Ken have made plans for us to hang out or do anything this weekend??


We don’t see each other for¬†almost 3¬†weeks cause I am going up north next week to work?? (the last time we saw each other was August 2nd at the gym)

I guess you could say I sort of threw this out there as a little test or whatever you want to call it 3 weeks ago. I said to Ken “hey we are both super busy the next few weeks so plan something for us this weekend”. And when I say something I mean ANYTHING. Dinner. A movie. Just hanging out for a couple hours watching TV. Lunch. Going to the beach. Shopping. I don’t care. I am not a hard to please high maintenance girl (although I am starting to think perhaps I should change that). I just want to see the effort & some time together.

I didn’t go to the weekly fun run Monday which should have been Ken’s 1st heads up. It’s the first time I didn’t go since Memorial Day when I started. I go even though I am not longer allowed to run or walk per the dr. I go even when he’s at work. I am just there hanging out with friends & to see him. But I went to the gym & then to another place to swim (yeah I¬†am at 2 gyms now lol). And then on my way home I went to the store quick which is when he texted me “hey what are you doing?”. Fuck it I called him rather than text. He seemed surprised I didn’t just stop by to hang out. I said well you didn’t ask me to & I am not going to look like some groupie following you around (see previous post about being the secret sidechick) so I had my stuff to do. We’ve chatted (he did follow up after my foot dr appt Wednesday) & texted this week. I had said it again to him a week ago so we’ll see if he remembers or not, but I am not going to nag him about it.

I am curious how much of a priority I am to him. He’s not in training for anything big right now (next event is swimming & that’s 5 weeks away still). Youngest kid is starting school Monday, college kid goes back in 2 weeks I believe. He has another¬†big certification test at work (he did the 1st part last week), but that’s 3 weeks away still. I highly doubt he’s been working on a game plan to fix the “roomie” situation either. I get when life has stuff happening you have to prioritize your time, but¬†I am not aware of any big or crazy events he has going on that would prevent us from doing anything?

Go ahead. Let’s hear it. Would I love to find out¬†that he has something planned? Of course! But being totally realistic & having ZERO expectations I am 99% sure we won’t see each other. I am going to call him after work tonight (he’s at the firehouse which is usually when we talk) & ask him if we have plans to do anything. Tick tock.


House decisions

When I originally started this blog I had just purchased my home & the rehab was part of my story then.

Quick recap: In Sept ’13 I¬†moved 1300 miles away from home for a new job & why the fuck not life wasn’t happening where I was. Lived in the family condo while things got sorted with selling my townhome back north & regrouped financially. BUT I hated feeling like a mooch so I started my house hunt the summer of 2014 like a crazed person who desperately needs a hobby (and friends). Thanks to all my HGTV watching I felt pretty good looking at foreclosures & figuring out what was within my grasp or completely unrealistic for me to take on. I have absolutely no skills whatsoever, but I had cash (cash is king!) & thanks my job (I work in the building field) I had connections to hire contractors to do what I wanted. I closed¬†on the¬†house in January ’15 & started the work. Honestly it was a pretty good foreclosure that needed only minimal repairs or things done. I moved in May, but a year later decided I didn’t care to live in the area¬†the house was in (not bad reasons, just not where my friends & activities were) & decided to rent it rather than sell at the time cause I had no idea what my long term plans were. I hired a property manager (PM), got an annual renter the end of summer¬†& welcome to being a slumlord!

My adventures in being a slumlord have been pretty minimal. I pay for the weekly pool care & lawn maintenance as part of it. I did that because it was all new pool equipment & I want the stuff cared for properly. Also I didn’t want to be THAT house on the block with the shitty unmowed lawn that the neighbors complain about. The renters go thru my¬†PM for anything so I don’t have contact with them, but I handle everything for the house when something happens cause I want to use my contractors & know what is going on. There hasn’t really been anything major financially since it was all pretty much new when I moved out. The same renters¬†have recently signed their 3rd annual lease. They pay on time, they only call for serious¬†issues (not every petty little thing)¬†& are easy to deal with it seems. Basically¬†the PM¬†gets to keep 10% a month for doing nothing. Which got me thinking later on why the fuck am I paying her??

I contacted the¬†PM early this summer before we all re-signed the contract that I wanted to get inside the house for a walk thru. It came to my attention from several friends that rent they have a walk thru every 6 or 12 months with their property management. I was like wtf? Nobody has been inside my house in 3 years! I have no clue what the renters are doing in there & I have heard some horror stories of damage. When I walked thru the end of June with the PM, I brought Ken with to get his feedback. He was never to the house so it was a fresh set of eyes. The house isn’t in bad shape. Some wear & tear that you’d expect after 4 years. But it’s outdated¬†especially the kitchen & bathrooms. The appliances & roof were all new when I fixed it up. I ripped out all the landscaping so it’s pretty minimal outside the home, but it’s easy keeping.

My original plan was to keep the house rented until summer of 2021 & then not renew the lease (it ends July 31st) so I could remodel to sell it. I like having the house right now cause it IS making me some money after it pays it’s way which I use to¬†pay down extra on my car (that should be paid off early the end of 2020 if all continues to go well financially). But after the walk thru I was like hmmm… & started thinking.

The 1st thought being why am I paying the PM still when I do everything? Granted I wanted it set up that way initially to find renters or if there was an issue to handle them, but I got a list of shit to fix after the walk thru & she scooted off free willy when we were done. I was also pissed that after 3 years some of this shit to be fixed was just being brought to my attention NOW when I should have been told like oh I don’t know a year or 2 ago when it started. The renters are easy enough I think I can handle them directly. I got my hands on the PM contract I signed with her & apparently I will have to pay 80% of her monthly fee for the remainder of the contract to terminate it early. Which just started August 1st. Fabulous. Glad I had this realization 2 months too late. FML. I’d save about $40 a month paying her off early, but I don’t have that much cash on hand right now to use for that.

My 2nd thought was again using my job experience¬†& HGTV watching I was probably going to spend at least $20K to do a basic remodel on the kitchen, 2 bathrooms & probably a new pool cage just so I can sell it. Why invest all that money when I won’t be using it & I don’t know how much of a difference it would make in the final selling price? Am I investing $25K to only get $15k more when I sell?? Not to mention I don’t have that cash flow sitting around either right now. Plus the house would be sitting empty starting in August making me¬†NO money while it gets remodeled & then going on the market until it sells. This sounds like a lose lose to me!

Soooo my new game plan is later this fall I will contact the realtor who sold me the house (we’re still in touch) & pick her brain.¬†My idea is to list the house for sale as is with the renters starting in January & give it to end of April to sell. I will price it fairly for what it is, but I am no hurry to sell or need to dump it. See what happens. IF it sells I will pay the PM out of her contract whatever amount is left, pay the rest of my car off & take the remaining money to the bank. Yes I will no longer be making on paper the amount of money annually with my rental, but I will have¬†NO bills expect for my housing which is what I pay to be a roommate monthly (peanuts in the grand scheme). I can really start rebuilding financially at that point.¬†Obviously that is the BEST scenario that could happen. Now¬†come April if it doesn’t sell, I’ll take it off the market & let it sit. See how much cash I have & perhaps I’ll be able to terminate the PM at that time. Hopefully it won’t freak my renters out so much they decide to leave when the lease is up the end of July as I will definitely be taking over the official slumlord title August 1st. I think if I am very clear & upfront with them it will be ok.

I am feeling pretty good about this. I have been tossing¬†it around the last week or 2. I’ll miss that house. The project was fun & I see so many¬†projects I would love to do, but doing the walk thru in June really finalized in my head that I won’t live there again. Love the house. Unfortunately it’s not the area I want to live. Even my dad said that to me last month. Continuing to invest in improvements seems silly¬†at this point¬†& I need to get out before I start having REALLY big costs when the stuff needs to be replaced or the pool needs an overhaul. I think I just had to reach a point in my life where I was ready to close that chapter & now I have. It’s time for me to move on.

omg–I’m the secret side chick

I had that realization last night. WTF.

Hanging out at a local brewery after¬†the weekly¬†fun run (I started going about 2 months ago so I’m a “newer” regular) yakking with friends as they finished running since I am still in time out. Ken returns & says hi to me, but this other lady starts immediately talking to him about race training stuff yadda yadda. We (her too) walked out to his truck for him to change shirts & she is continuing to talk to him while also now giving me sort of side looks like what am I hanging around & getting up¬†in his space so I assume she must have something she has to speak with him about¬†privately & I walk back inside. Hey I can take a hint. It seems a little inappropriate, but I am not going to cause a scene about it. At least 10 minutes pass before Ken comes walking back. By himself. We have a little exchange which basically¬†goes she’s a friend who’s married I have nothing to worry about but he wasn’t understanding me. I wasn’t worried or think anything was happening, but I just felt bothered by the whole situation. Heck I didn’t even understand why I was annoyed by it at the time honestly.

But about an hour later sitting there I realized why I was bothered by it.

The majority of the people there know Ken. According to his FB he’s in a relationship with his baby mama (aka “the roomie”) even though she’s never been around or those people have never met her. When I asked him about that last May he said she had done that years ago & he never paid attention (stick your head in the sand syndrome). I have now been popping up in the picture the last 2+ months at races & training events “hanging out”. Obviously a few people have figured out (or asked point blank) what’s been happening, but for the most part others are clueless. They have no idea why I am suddenly hanging around. I look like some crazy fan lol


It explains the looks the from people. It’s not like Ken introduces me as anything to him. He’s not affectionate that people would assume we’re together (holding hands, etc…). Nobody knows we are dating. **Now let me preface this with yes I understand the situation that until he figures out his game plan for getting rid of the “the roomie” it’s best she doesn’t know (I do agree with that), but WHEN is the game plan being put into play? I am not a side chick & I am definitely not a secret one either! I have always believed myself to be better than that so WTF am I doing? I would never allow my friends (girls or boys) to let themselves be one. In fact just last night I was preaching at my friend Rob telling me about a girl who was being shady to him that he deserves better & to know his value. I haven’t spoke to my brother John (see previous posts)¬†in a year now, but for 4 years he was the bug in my ear constantly telling me I could do better. I thought I knew that by now, but apparently I am forgetting that lesson? I definitely need to start reminding myself of that more.

Having this blog helps me get this shit sorted out for sure even if it doesn’t make much sense as I type. My anxiety feels better like some sort of release. Putting it down in writing makes it more concrete for me to see later on. I know I have to have a deadline for this relationship that if things don’t change I need to walk away. Some days obviously this is easier for me to say than others & that’s why I’ll have these reminders along the way. I don’t want to just write about the good stuff happening in my life. I want the crapola too so I can be objective & remember the not good times when it’s decision time.

Here I gooooo!!!

After a good weekend that has left me feeling recharged & ready, I have a very busy next few weeks to get thru. I made sure to get some things done, saw lots of friends & enjoyed myself!

Friday night was celebrating national daiquiri day with coworkers before heading to a girls dinner. The girls dinner was interesting as it’s a group I am sort of on the outer edge with so I was pleased to be included. It’s a mix of ages (I’d say mid 20’s to mid 40’s) so we’re all in various points of our lives (relationships, kids, careers, housing, etc…) which is actually nice cause it’s a variety of conversations. With 10 ladies you never know what will happen, but it was¬†a fun evening & lots of laughs!

Saturday morning was EARLY again cause Ken picked me up at 4:30am to go to his triathlon. I had a good time seeing friends there & he had a great race (finished 2nd plus improved his time from last week so HAPPY HAPPY all the way around). I really do have a good time going to his races to cheer¬†(yeah I can get a teeny little competitive too lol) plus it’s like little mini travel for me to places I haven’t seen yet in the area.¬†He dropped me off late morning, but I guess he wasn’t too tired cause we had a little fun before he went home (damn that boy can make me smile!). I took a nap & then went to a friend’s house up the street who¬†was painting. She didn’t give a shit about the floor cause they’re ripping the carpet up next so we had a jolly time slapping paint on walls & talking about life. It was a good day.

Sunday I finally got to not set an alarm! I mean I will still wake up early (anyone else do that??), but it’s not to the sound of BEEP BEEP BEEP which is just so much better. It’s been several weeks so very nice. I then went to the beach where Ken had his swim & he hung out for a bit afterwards before he had to meet the kids. I stayed longer to read & just enjoy my beach time cause I haven’t been there since the 4th. I then went to a late lunch with Tiff (love having prego besties with cravings cause hello food!!) so we caught up. I then needed to do some shopping & errands I have been blowing off so got that done before having a nice chill evening at home.

I am now working the next 3 weeks with no days off so I really made the most of the weekend. I am joining a new gym today that has a pool so I can start swimming. My goal is to do that 2-3x a week since I am not allowed to do anything on my foot yet. I’ll still go to¬†my regular gym (that’s paid up thru November) for classes 2-3x a week as well. I am excited for something new & a little variety. The only issue is it IS one of the places Ken goes to swim, but we are never there at the same time. I asked him if it bothered him cause I wasn’t trying to be Creepy McCreeperson & follow him, but he says he doesn’t care (the good news is it’s month to month so I can bail anytime should something happen).

I can’t believe how fast July has gone. Next I know it’s going to be almost mid-August & time for my annual trip to Wisconsin!!

Just a girl still trying to find love & happiness by the beach