2019 wrap-up

Yeah I am late to the party. What’s new? lol Been reflecting in my head, but haven’t had the time to get on a computer to write it.

Let’s see…2019 can probably best be broken down into several categories.

WORK – It’s going. I celebrated my 6 year anniversary there. Yay! My boss has delayed his retirement to July ’21 (it was end of 2020) so I am thrilled cause we get along great. It really does make life so much easier when you have a good boss. Yes I get frustrated & contemplate leaving at times, but at this point I have less than 2 years until I am vested so I can stick that out. I make good money for what I do. We have hired more people so my job duties have actually decreased to what they should have been! I have been in public sector for so long I don’t know any other way. lol My side job had a good year. I made extra money doing something I enjoy & I got to travel also for it. I turned down some work which hopefully doesn’t affect me being hired in 2020, but I can’t work 24/7 & miss out on the fun stuff.

HEALTH – It was a long year. It started with the toe warts which just WOULD NOT GO AWAY. Burning them every few weeks, even cutting them out. Finally froze them and then wrapped in duct tape & Compound W for almost 2 months seemed to have done the trick! I have been on high alert checking in case they return to whip that duct tape back out, but so far so good. The tubal ligation & ablation (no baby) surgery was an experience. I don’t know about voluntary surgery again, but I am happy in the end I did it. It’s been over 8 months & I haven’t had any complications so I am going to call it a success. The recovery was not as explained to me (they made it seem like a walk in the park) & a few other things have me in the process of looking for a new gyno. I won’t lie…haven’t had a period since before the procedure & not having to worry during sex is really great. Now onto the biggest pain in my ass this year…my right foot. Finally getting a diagnosis in November (planter tear) & being able to form a plan of attack was huge for me mentally. Being in pain since February & not being able to really participate in events all year was a huge disappointment. Right now things are still looking good. Approaching week 8 of rehab & feeling ok so fingers crossed it continues!

DATING – It started a bit rough, but I was optimistic. I felt I was finally coming into a good place for myself that I wanted a relationship & was ready for one. There were a few guys, but nobody stuck around more than a couple dates (either by my choice or theirs). Then Ken popped back up in the picture in the spring when he invited me to Chattanooga. Why not right? He’s cool, I like to travel…let’s go. And here we are over 7 months later still together. We had a lot of fun & traveled a few places. I am not sure where the relationship will go as Ken still hasn’t changed his situation & I know that I want more than what we currently have. Hopefully it works out.

FRIENDS – There have been some changes. There always is. Circumstances (moving, babies, etc…) change things. I miss some of the friendships I had & treasure the ones I still do. I think I have become a better friend over the years as I work on improving myself. I am happy to have met some new friends this year & developed other friendships more.

HOUSING – Well…I lived in 3 places during 2019. I started the year in the house by myself, moved in with the older lady & now live with Jaime since Thanksgiving. It’s going well. I am not sure how long I will stay though. I told her from the start it would be temporary while I waited to see how things with Ken played out. We have become friends which is nice & I don’t want to ruin that by staying too long.

FINANCES – The year started not very good. I had overspent on housing the 2nd half of 2018 & it continued in 2019 when I was renting the house by myself. Plus I had spent a good chunk of savings on my braces (over $5k) so that was empty. Ugh. I had a lot more medical expenses than I imagined (those bills from the no baby surgery kept coming), but the good part was I met all my medical limits by the end of May so it’s been free for the rest of the year. Bonus! I have cut my housing expenses by $300 a month from the start of the year to the end which was HUGE! I budgeted & just saved a lot this summer & fall. Don’t get me wrong…a good time was still had, but I cut out a lot of crap. I reduced my non-essential shopping by a lot. A positive of dating Ken means I’m not going out on the weekends & dropping mad money at bars, restaurants or ubers. I guess staying in has it’s perks! I focused more on the experiences with friends & taking advantage of so many “freebies” here (the beach, fun runs, gym socials, sports gatherings, etc) to socialize cheaper. I am on track to pay my car off early…hopefully the end of 2020!

And finally how did my RESOLUTIONS do? Pretty good!! I kept them handy & reviewed them A LOT in the beginning of the year (like daily at times when I needed it), but realized last week I hadn’t looked at them in quite awhile. Upon re-reading them for the 1st time in months I was pleasantly surprised to find I had been sticking to them pretty well! Yay me!

I am happy to report that for 2019 I DID FINISH STRONG!

Here I gooooo!!!

After a good weekend that has left me feeling recharged & ready, I have a very busy next few weeks to get thru. I made sure to get some things done, saw lots of friends & enjoyed myself!

Friday night was celebrating national daiquiri day with coworkers before heading to a girls dinner. The girls dinner was interesting as it’s a group I am sort of on the outer edge with so I was pleased to be included. It’s a mix of ages (I’d say mid 20’s to mid 40’s) so we’re all in various points of our lives (relationships, kids, careers, housing, etc…) which is actually nice cause it’s a variety of conversations. With 10 ladies you never know what will happen, but it was a fun evening & lots of laughs!

Saturday morning was EARLY again cause Ken picked me up at 4:30am to go to his triathlon. I had a good time seeing friends there & he had a great race (finished 2nd plus improved his time from last week so HAPPY HAPPY all the way around). I really do have a good time going to his races to cheer (yeah I can get a teeny little competitive too lol) plus it’s like little mini travel for me to places I haven’t seen yet in the area. He dropped me off late morning, but I guess he wasn’t too tired cause we had a little fun before he went home (damn that boy can make me smile!). I took a nap & then went to a friend’s house up the street who was painting. She didn’t give a shit about the floor cause they’re ripping the carpet up next so we had a jolly time slapping paint on walls & talking about life. It was a good day.

Sunday I finally got to not set an alarm! I mean I will still wake up early (anyone else do that??), but it’s not to the sound of BEEP BEEP BEEP which is just so much better. It’s been several weeks so very nice. I then went to the beach where Ken had his swim & he hung out for a bit afterwards before he had to meet the kids. I stayed longer to read & just enjoy my beach time cause I haven’t been there since the 4th. I then went to a late lunch with Tiff (love having prego besties with cravings cause hello food!!) so we caught up. I then needed to do some shopping & errands I have been blowing off so got that done before having a nice chill evening at home.

I am now working the next 3 weeks with no days off so I really made the most of the weekend. I am joining a new gym today that has a pool so I can start swimming. My goal is to do that 2-3x a week since I am not allowed to do anything on my foot yet. I’ll still go to my regular gym (that’s paid up thru November) for classes 2-3x a week as well. I am excited for something new & a little variety. The only issue is it IS one of the places Ken goes to swim, but we are never there at the same time. I asked him if it bothered him cause I wasn’t trying to be Creepy McCreeperson & follow him, but he says he doesn’t care (the good news is it’s month to month so I can bail anytime should something happen).

I can’t believe how fast July has gone. Next I know it’s going to be almost mid-August & time for my annual trip to Wisconsin!!

ack…feeling all over the place

Does anyone else have trouble thinking of titles for their blogs? Or is it just me?

I am feeling out of control & in control at the same time. If that makes any sense?? Of course it’s made my anxiety SKY ROCKET. By Monday morning I was back to waking up at 4am & feeling sick. Which I hadn’t really ate much in several days anyways. I think that was part anxiety & also I think I am battling some crud going around. Good news it’s helped the weight loss battle so let’s see the positive here. lol

My weekend was pretty good. Saturday morning (VERY early morning) I went with Ken to a mini triathlon where he finished 2nd so that was fun! I really do enjoy going to his events & cheering. Yes it’s how we get to spend time together, but it’s also getting to see all his hard work & commitment pay off. This is a huge part of Ken’s life & it’s either something I embrace (which I totally do) or I walk away now cause it’s not changing. I also get to see some of the other people involved who have become friends so it can be quite social as well. Saturday night I went to a friend’s house birthday party. I had a good time seeing friends & catching up. I decided I REALLY needed a break so Sunday morning I got up early & went to the house of the mouse (my happy place) to refill my magic cup. Maybe it’s weird, but I just enjoyed wandering around in all the countries looking at things & taking in the atmosphere. I find it relaxing. It makes me happy. I don’t have to worry about others. It’s me time.

Now for the not so good parts of the weekend. Right? You knew it was coming! Friday after the gym Ken informs me he’s not going to the birthday party the next day. I am not having that conversation when he’s tired, hungry & obviously not in a good mood & with his race the next morning probably a little stressed. I waited until the drive home from the race Saturday morning for us to talk. I explained I wasn’t fighting nor ambushing him, but there are conversations that need to be had face to face which we don’t always have much of (he agreed). I said I was confused why after weeks of him wanting to go & now being able to he suddenly didn’t? It turns out Ken gets major anxiety when it comes to big gatherings, events, going out, etc… I truly had no idea. He wants to go, but when it actually is time he just feels too overwhelmed. Ummmm hello?? I can totally understand that!! Yes I am disappointed he’s not coming with me, but knowing it’s not an issue with me…WHEW. That helps me feel better. We also discussed some more of his shitty situation with the “roomie” & where do I fit in. I told him I really like him & see a future for us together but if he doesn’t see us together or want that then he needs to say something now. He said he wants that too & sees a future, but has no idea when it will happen timing wise. There’s a lot of financial shit to be sorted out, how to approach it all & I think he feels very overwhelmed by it. I am satisfied with the answers he gave me & I know if I keep bringing it up it will become nagging so I won’t say anything on that topic now. Now fast forward to the party Saturday night. I didn’t drink, but the booze was free flowing. And of course the drama kicked in after a bit among people. How the fuck old are we?? Good lord it got my anxiety going even & I usually have no issues at these things (thank goodness in hindsight Ken wasn’t there). Ugh… That’s when I was like fuck this shit I need some happy me time so I am going to Epcot tomorrow (luckily I have a park pass & the ability to do this which I am very grateful for) so I went home & to bed. Sunday was a nice time. My magic felt recharged. Ahhhhh….

I think I am getting some summer bug crud going around cause I was eating really nothing for several days & just feeling blah. I saw Ken Monday night at the weekly fun run (I have been going to just socialize lately) & said listen I just need a hug. I know that’s weird cause I have a pretty tough exterior & wouldn’t seem it, but sometimes I just need that. He laughed cause he understands me like that. Which I don’t mind letting him in to see that side of me. I don’t want to always be the tough asshole type & I like that when I am around him I feel safe. Today one the new coworkers is tossing people under the bus & being very loud. It’s making want to crawl under my desk. Work keeps going from being great to stressful it seems a lot lately.

I have my foot dr follow up this afternoon. Not sure how that will go. I am not sure how much better things are? That’s some stress right there. I am going to check out another gym after work that has a pool. I think swimming might be beneficial for me cause I don’t know if running is really something I can stay healthy doing. Or at least until we get all my feet issues straightened out. And then I have my therapy visit today too. I am looking forward to talking with her!

Breathing & counting

deep breath in – slow breath out – 1

I learned a few years ago when things were falling apart & my mind would be going 1000 miles a minute to take a deep breath in & slowly let it back out. I would then count 1. Repeat. Usually by about 3 I was feeling control again. Things slowed down. I felt calmer. I especially used it at night trying to fall asleep to just clear my mind & not have ANY thoughts running amuck. Generally I fall asleep before I get to 10 or if I wake up I start the count over.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 2

Things have been really crazy the last few weeks for me. I feel my anxiety kicking back in. I have started waking up early morning again about 4am unable to fall back asleep before my alarm (5:45am) so I know my sleep is lacking. I started turning my phone off again at night to get rid of the distractions. Usually around 8:30/9pm I am shutting it down so I can at least try getting to bed early to compensate for the early wake ups.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 3

Obviously the situation with Dan (see previous post) hasn’t helped me either. I did send him a text Monday night asking if he was ok & actually got a response (he claimed his phone was just turned back on the day before). There was a brief correspondence, but basically him being on the road is too hard for him to have a relationship. Obviously I am hurt & disappointed. I really liked him & thought we had a good thing happening. I can’t control that he is unhappy& shutting down. I do know it wasn’t my fault or anything I did so in that respect it makes things better, but it doesn’t help me feeling sad.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 4

I lost my wallet Monday morning. IDs, credit cards, everything in it. At first I was like whatever cause I do misplace my credit cards a lot, but I started looking in the typical spots & not finding it. I have just been in such a fog the last few weeks who knows what I could have done? It wasn’t until day 2 when I realized not only did I have no credit cards, but I had no cash or anyway to pay buy purchase things like food or gas (thank you to my friends who offered me $$ though). Panic started to set in. Finally on day 3 I found it. In my car which I had gone thru several times already! I am losing my mind.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 5

I’ve got some medical issues I am handling this month. I’ve been dealing with a wart on the bottom of my big toe since September. I tried over the counter last fall, got it to a certain point & then contacted the foot dr early January. What I hoped would be zip zip get it handled before all my 10k’s started this spring wasn’t. I have now done all 3 of the 10k’s & still have that fucking painful wart! Pretty much every step is like having a glass shard up in your foot. Sometimes I don’t even feel the pain anymore, other times it throbs. I can’t wear my cute shoes which has been the worst. The dr’s offices here are so full though in season thanks to stupid snowbirds I still have another 1.5 weeks until my appt where they can just cut it out & then it’s 1 week of recovery they said. The gym has been miserable for me the last 2 months as I can’t do cardio or running. I am just so looking forward to being able to participate again!

deep breath in – slow breath out – 6

The other medical issue is I am having a laparoscopic tubal ligation & endometrial ablation done in 2 weeks. Honestly I am not sure what all that fancy talk means, but basically no more chance of kids & hopefully no more periods (I better not be the few people who still get a period!). My gyno since I moved down here 5 years ago has been on me to make some choices as I was just using the pill & for long term health he felt it wasn’t ideal. I never really desired kids (I like them but the idea of pregnancy & birth is horrible to me!), but I had also never been in a relationship or situation where that kind of thinking was even possible you know? I sort of assumed in recent years if a guy wanted kids he needed to already have them if he was with me. So doing some soul searching the last few months, talking to people with/without kids & being 100% honest with myself that while kids aren’t off the table for me (adoption has always been an option to me) I know that I will NEVER PHYSICALLY want to carry a child so it was time to start doing something about it. It’s an outpatient procedure at the hospital & I’ll need a few days to recover they said. My mom is coming down to help me lucky her. I am a little nervous but more about the procedure itself (the most surgical thing I have ever done is take out my wisdom teeth) and not the actual permanent finality of it. That decision I am feeling fine with.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 7

Yesterday my bestie Jess who is getting married in December & I am the maid of honor sends me a picture of a home pregnancy test. That is positive I guess. Congrats?? Yup, that is what I wrote. I mean really I didn’t know what else to say?? She has a 7 yo from another guy so we know babies get here. She’s been obsessed with babies & freaking about not being able to have another (she’s turning 39, he’s 26), but since the engagement after Xmas it was about the wedding planning so I thought we were on baby break til December (or at least the late fall). She’s going to the dr in 2 weeks cause I guess that will then be the 8 week mark. Which even by my very rusty math skills puts the baby arriving yup you guessed it a week after the wedding. Glad I already have the bridesmaid dress & then the $200 cowboy boots for the rustic chic outdoor country wedding that who knows if it will even happen? She said she’ll worry at 13 weeks about the wedding if things are still going well with the baby. Personally I am slightly annoyed by the whole thing. I get accidents happen, but I really don’t believe this was & now you’ve got people who have committed financially to your big day standing by. Oh it’s a secret still too. Which I totally get & of course I will never say anything, but yeah guess who’s done making any further wedding plans for now. This maid of honor.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 8

We got a new person at work in mid-February. She needs to go. She is high drama & thrives on finding gossip. She also makes mistakes, comes in late daily & has missed DAYS of work already. I do not know why they haven’t canned her yet cause she’s on probation & no reason is needed. My fellow co-workers don’t care for her & neither does my supervisor as we all have the same feeling about her. Unfortunately the higher boss doesn’t deal with her on the daily basis like we do so he sees nothing wrong. It has created a very uncomfortable work environment for all of us which stinks cause things had been going so well.

deep breath in – slow breath out – 9

just breathe. let it go. one day at a time.

summer’s flying by

Woo…summer is going FAST!!! 💨💨

Lots of changes too surprise surprise. lol I know that’s how I roll. Life starts to slip slide down hill. I should be writing things down here & organizing my wild thoughts. Instead I wallow & start to hide & pull myself away until I finally get my shit back together & then BOOM I am moving forward.

I think it started after my trip to Chicago in mid-June & realizing how much I MISSED my privacy. That hotel suite all weekend to myself was just too nice. lol Not having a door on my bedroom was getting really old fast! Living with kids was more challenging than I had anticipated. Sharing a bathroom can be rough anyways, but sharing with kids AND everyone else who walks in the house was getting to be too much for me. By early July I was getting deeper down the hole (not sleeping, gaining weight, stressing out) cause honestly I was just unhappy. I tried making changes in other areas of my life, but realized that ultimately it was my housing situation causing me the problem & to quote my therapist I needed to “get the fuck out of there”.

Side note: my job that has been a major source of unhappiness for some time suddenly was resolved the end of June when the head of our division was walked out the door by HR on a Friday afternoon. I will not lie…extremely happy satisfying moment for me. I had been waiting for 1.5 years for that person to get theirs after they had tossed me under the bus & it finally happened which I knew it would. That’s just the line of work I am in–it all comes full circle if you give it enough time & have patience. I felt a giant whoooosh leave me that day & returning to work the following Monday has been massive improvements ever since. Even the perpetually unhappy person has been put in their place by new management & the toxic stressful environment has disappeared. Poof!

So anyways of course now that I decide in my head I need to leave, finding new housing is a whole other adventure. I knew I had to be patient cause I wanted within a certain area (I love my location!) & I definitely wanted a child free home with my own bathroom. I didn’t want to hop from 1 mess to another mess so I found some, looked at a few & knew I needed to wait. People are CRAZY. Yes, you are having me coming into your home as a roommate & obviously I expect there to be some ground rules, but some of it was just plain bat shit crazy. One lady even wanted me to make her coffee every morning like her previous roommate–sorry this isn’t Starbucks & I am not a barista! If you want me to PAY you rent, you have to give up some control. I understand…I have been on that side before having room renters in my home but it’s a give & take. Argh….

To sum it up I found a place that will make do for now I figure & it’s month to month. Older gentleman that rents out his extra rooms & I will have my own bathroom so at least I get out of John’s place (who by now I was going nuts trying to deal with kids on summer break & general craziness). I let John know I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Within a few days I realize I can’t continue staying there & pack my stuff to start moving out. There was a lot more going on in that house than I ever told people & only 2 of my very good friends knew it all cause they knew the situation about the best or had it seen it themselves. They were also the 2 people who helped me get my stuff out when I had to move it. I am so thankful for them. I knew a lien for foreclosure had been filed in June. Our water had been shut off before too. And so many other bad things happening with finances & business, etc… yet John never seemed to acknowledge it or blamed it on somebody else. Another reason my anxiety was probably in overload cause it’s like I knew things I probably shouldn’t know, but I wasn’t going to call him out on it. I didn’t feel it was my place. I just needed to get out. Unfortunately that was a 4 year friendship that has now ended, but on the other had I guess it wasn’t that good of a friendship after all.

In the mean time things had changed at the new shared house & I was getting a strange vibe from the guy so I kept looking for housing & found another house. This time it’s just me living there! Higher end of what I wanted to pay, but I can swing it & it’s worth having my own little place. It’s a 3 bedroom home, but the owner is storing furniture in the other 2 rooms so I only have access to my bedroom/bathroom, the kitchen, living/dining area, laundry room (with new appliances!) & even a closed in carport for my car!! It’s perfect sizing for me!! Location wise I am back up by where the very 1st house was I was a roommate in so I’m familiar with & like the area. I moved all my stuff again (thanks to my bestie!) the next weekend & then left for my annual week of side work in Wisconsin. Which was amazing–I needed a break from FL, it was good to see friends, great to see my parents for dinner & I came back refreshed.

And now here we are the end of August. I woke up this week & realized I am happy. Like very simple just plain happy. I knew I had to keep sludging ahead thru the muck, but I think things are coming together nicely now. Work has improved. My housing has improved. My health has improved. Life overall is going well!!

As my friend I saw in Wisconsin said to me this week…FINALLY

weekend wind down

I had a really nice weekend of nothing. Just relaxing, refreshing, renewing myself.

Doggy sitting was great! Saturday morning snuggles in bed & then I went to the beach for the afternoon. Got some great sun & sand time. Took about a 2 mile walk along the shore which was nice.

Saturday night I went out with my friend Tiffany since we’ve both been super busy & haven’t seen each other. Tried this adorable little German restaurant (thanks Groupon!) that was really good & authentic. I can’t wait to go again!

Sunday was another lazy morning with the puppies before I drove by my house since it’s been awhile to check things out. It looks ok–not sure about the new lawn company that took over so I’ll need to do a few more visits to check their work. Noticed the palm trees looked long so I called my tree guy to get them trimmed. The neighborhood as a whole seems to be on the upswing from when I started looking in there 3.5 years ago for houses. People have made exterior improvements, houses have been cleaned up, the foreclosures seem less. Yay!! I then did some shopping (need dresses for the upcoming wedding trip & then a bachelorette weekend) which was successful! Headed back to the house to let the puppies play outside before the storm hit. Which once it did we climbed in bed & watched TV/slept. Very uneventful day which is good for me.

I didn’t hear from J all weekend after we had drinks after kickball Friday. He had plans with friends coming from out of town. At first I was ok. Then I got bugged. Then I was all right. Then I started worrying. And about what I have no idea?!?!?! God I hate this crappy fear of I don’t know what…him disappearing? Leaving? I never used to feel this way. I think about everything I said & if I was ok? Or how he reacted. I sent him a text later Sunday & he responded a bit later that he just got home. I gave him a bit to settle & then called him. We chatted a bit which was nice. And nothing was wrong. He was fine. I was just having irrational stupid over thinking freak out. I would like to thank the previous douchebag for that! Argh…I really am trying to work on this issue with myself. I don’t want to hold other’s actions against him cause he’s done nothing wrong or even remotely close to it. He’s very sweet, calls me when he says he will & really likes me so I don’t want to blow it. I am glad to have therapy this week so we can discuss it.

It was a good week

Maybe it didn’t start the greatest being sick but it ended well. 😊

The drugs I got Monday have been working their magic & I was already feeling much better after a few. Wednesday kickball is going ok. I’m the “captain” this season & it’s sort of a pain in the ass. One would think since we’re all adults it’s common courtesy to mention when you’re missing a game so other arrangements can be made. Nope not so much 😡 So each week is a scramble at the start of who’s gonna be here. I did end up asking J join my team so I have enough players for those off weeks. Which is nice I get to see him a little more.

Thursday after work I started pet sitting for the weekend. It’s 3 adorable pups & very easy so I enjoy it. It’s nice being back by where I used to live and a little break in my schedule. J came down for dinner so we got take out sushi & went to sit on the beach. It was right after sunset so just nice & low key. I really enjoy hanging out with him & talking.

Friday was pretty same old. Did our pre-work morning walk. I tried to wrap up work and organize as much as I could. Missing time this week got things a little off kilter. Took care of the dogs after work before heading up to kickball. My team did well & we won. I finally feel like I am back in the groove! J asked me to sub on his team and they won as well. It was a good night!

Looking forward to this weekend of relaxing and nothing. Perhaps some beach today before the storms tomorrow? Reading? We’ll see where the wind blows…

icky sicky 😷

Ugh…I hate being sick. I will admit I am the worst about treating myself. I never want to acknowledge it cause who has time? I keep going cause I have too much happening to stop. My schedule this month is so booked it’s really not a good time thank you very much. Pretend you’re fine & you will be fine = positive thinking power! 💡

So with all that being said I waved the white flag Monday morning. I have had a cough & sore throat since early March. It varied how bad it was, but it never went away. Everyone kept saying how terrible the pollen was & allergies so I believed it to be that. All we needed was some good rain to wash the pollen away & WAH LAH I would be better right? Yeah except it wasn’t raining either. Friday afternoon my body finally had enough & my right eye had goobers. I assumed I simply MUST have something in my eye & it couldn’t be illness. Yes the denial is THAT strong! Saturday my girls checked my eye out & declared it not pink eye (they have kids & much experience at this), but I definitely needed a doctor. So my plan was to call my doctor Monday morning from work & go from there until later Sunday rolled around & now I have ick coming out my left eye (yup both eyes are gross) so I started looking at what time Urgent Care opens in the morning. Yes a little late but hey at least I was making progress.

My weekend was all right. Friday night kickball cancelled so I went out for a belated birthday dinner celebration for a co-worker who has become a great friend. I really don’t know what I’d do without her sometimes cause we both have similar issues with our workplace & we just get along really well. She includes me for holidays since I don’t have any family here & makes sure to check on me in general. She’s just awesome. Saturday & Sunday I worked my side job so a little extra $$$. The have asked me to work a lot more weekends, but I am being selective. I don’t want to work so much I can’t do anything else. The extra money is nice for sure, but all work work work isn’t any fun so I am trying to balance. Sunday after working I went over to Jay’s & we just hung out being bums. He’s been sick too (probably from me–my bad). It was nice to just spend time together without doing much & see how it goes. He had already decided he wasn’t going in to work Monday (but he can work from home some too) when my eyes got bad & I decided I need to skip work & go to Urgent Care Monday ASAP. What a pair we are. lol

So Monday morning I am the 2nd in line & seen right away. Yay! Turns out I don’t have little kid pink eye, but it’s a strain of the flu or something that has been going around the last few weeks. It’s sort of like a sinus infection since it’s in your throat & nose & ears & coughing. I guess coming out your eyes is the real final steps. 🤧 Fabulous. So now I have drugs for 10 days & I am already feeling a ton better! Which is good cause I am puppy sitting this weekend for my 3 little cuties again & then next weekend is the Disney Star Wars 10K I signed up for waaaay last May. It’s a bucket list item for me & I am really excited! I am dressing up at BB-8 & my friend is going as R2-D2. Yeah the dressing up part is a highlight for me!

give it time

Whew…things have been happening here. Unfortunately it seems when life is going well I don’t write as much which is a bummer cause so many good things have been happening. Whereas when life is a shit show I get that all down on paper. lol

March went by FAST! Hanging out with friends, having fun, organizing the new kickball team for Wednesday, getting trips for later this year planned, getting ready for my upcoming Jamaica trip. I even managed to do a little dating! Since the start of the year I have had various guys wanting to have fun but never knew what was going on or where it was going. So I have sat back & had a good time, but refused to get more involved if they aren’t pursuing. As I tell people when asked “I have a lot of pretty BOYS hanging around, but I am looking for a MAN who is going to step up” (which my guy friend said was pretty accurate & a good response). Well…Jay has stepped up. lol He is the guy from Wednesday night kickball that invited me out for drinks. And then we had drinks again after kickball. So when kickball was cancelled 2 weeks ago he asked me out to dinner I was impressed. Progress right? I had a good time & we’ve hung out more at the games too. This past Friday we had an off night for kickball in the other league so he asked me to dinner again! Had a really nice time getting to know him & talking. Plus he’s pretty darn good looking & I love his eyes so chatting with him is easy. Afterwards we went out to a bar where his friends were for some karaoke & hanging out. It was a fun night! I won’t lie–we got back to his place & things got going which I was fine with. I was like now or never girl cause let’s be real…it’s been a year & a half. Yup…the hooha had a party as my BFF & brother put it the next day (apparently we all share waaay too much with each other lol). He took his clothes off & I was like DAMN BRAVO applause, but I kept it inside. Luckily my diet has been going well (down 18 lbs last week) so I was feeling pretty good body image wise. Let me say it was a good time & I definitely want more! We have texted & talked over the weekend which is nice. I am trying to be positive & not let my anxiety kick in thinking of all the bad stuff that could happen or be happening cause I imagine it in my head. I’ll see him Wednesday at kickball which I am looking forward to.

Now on the other hand work has been a bummer. I found out I wasn’t even offered a job interview for the job I had applied for because I don’t have a bachelors degree. WTF? Apparently 15 years in the field plus all my other years of work experience wasn’t enough. I don’t know how classes I would have taken 20 years ago would even be relevant today & it doesn’t matter what the degree is in, but I don’t have one so I wasn’t qualified. Ridiculous if you ask me. But it made me rethink my current job & situation. My job is stable (public sector), I am union protected (can’t be fired), I have good hours (no weekends), I have good benefits (I pay minimal amounts for good coverage), vacation & sick time every month, I do actually enjoy what I do plus I do make good money. Add in my house rental income plus money I make at my side job…I am doing really well! They have taken away duties I was doing that wasn’t part of my job so actually my job has been much easier & enjoyable the past 2 months. So why rock the boat? I’ll just keep riding this out & if anything of interest comes along I’ll check it out.

I am in the count down to my Jamaica trip in May for my friend’s wedding! My girl up north who’s coming with is getting excited as well & we are both on the gym routine right now hard core so encouraging each other. I have found a dress I like, but I am not sure if it’s THE one though so still looking. I do have all my swim suits in order cause we know that IS important!

So I am just giving things time. Time to see what happens. Time for things to happen. I am not pushing or rushing anything. I have lots of plans coming up which I am excited about & just waiting for them can be hard, but it’s ok. My brother John has been great about letting me talk when I need to & be stupid irrational crazy get it out of my system. Living at his house has really been so good for me.

so ready for the weekend

Whew…this has been a week! People be crazy I tell you. Work brought a lot of that. One lady came in several days this week yelling discrimination, threatening to sue & causing a scene among several departments. Next was the ever so polite gentleman who left a post it on the front wall that said “BITCH” with an arrow pointing at the front counter. Really…how old are we? And if you have an issue with staff, then speak to our supervisor. Oh wait, she’s a woman too so you probably hate her as well.

I completed my 1st 10K last Saturday!! I was super excited to finish so well (1:20 was my official time). I had planned on just walking, but ended up running probably close to 2.5 miles. I still finished feeling pretty good so I am on track for the more important 10K the end of April now! I have been really good the last month about getting in my steps & being more active.

My mom came down to visit last weekend. We went over to Disney on Sunday for the Flower & Garden festival. It was a good day just strolling around finding all the topiaries & chilling out. Some good people watching too. lol We do laugh a lot I have to say! My dad’s knee replacement last month went well & his recovery is coming along. I am hoping he’ll come visit soon too.

Kickball playoffs on Wednesday started this week & people decide not to show up. WTF? You can’t use subs so we had to play shorthanded, but amazingly those of us that came gelled together really well & pulled off a win. I was surprised honestly. I think next week the 1st game is going to end our season regardless who comes to play…the other team is very solid. But we had a good time! We are trying to field our team for next season & replace players which is a little more daunting than I had anticipated. Obviously as we lose original players, I want to replace them with better players so I am being selective in who I ask. I’m really looking forward to kickball tonight! It’s gotten to be a really fun bunch of people who play & we have a good time.

So here’s a funny…one of the guys from Wednesday kickball asked me out for drinks after the games. What’s interesting is I have known him from our Friday night league for awhile, but we never spoke or talked there. I had fun…played some pool, hung out with other players, talked a little. It was very low key…in fact so much that afterwards I was like hmmm what was that?? I like him, but I need to see where he’s headed with this. I am done making the first moves! I think I just also suck at dating. It’s such a gray area thing it seems & I have become a more black & white person.

Not sure what the game plan is for this weekend yet. Tomorrow I would like to get a bridge walk in (I have been doing that the last few Tuesdays since I stopped cornhole), but my feet are hurting today. I had to visit the foot doctor yesterday & he did some work on my nails. UGH! I know in a few days it will be fine, but right now it hurts! I wouldn’t mind a little beach time, but perhaps sand isn’t a good combo for the toes right now. I have been at the beach every weekend lately so I am getting my sunshine fix for sure. Sunday I have been hearing will be crappy weather so stuck inside. Maybe a movie?